Advice on bereavement card (tw suicide).

[user1474894224]

What to write in bereavement cards for family of child who died by suicide.
Or even if a bereavement card is the right thing to send. Should I write a letter instead? Not sure how best to navigate this. I am sometimes bull in a China shop so looking for advice from those who are more sensitive than I am. (I have name changed for this, but am a regular l). Thanks in advance for any help. I am about to go to work and will read any responses tonight.

Thinking of you at this time , here if you ever want a chat , a cry , a scream anything at all.

I think a card is completely fine

Suicide makes people awkward, and sometimes that means they avoid the grieving people. Please treat them with the same kindness you would another

From close experience, people would worry about what to say, so say nothing, avoid me etc. It was incredibly isolating.

Most of the normal responses are completely fine, sorry for your loss, I'm here, he was much loved etc, sharing of memories etc

I'd send a bereavement card yes as they have had a Loss, just like anyone. However this loss is harder so I'd put a short note inside, on a piece of paper, saying: 'I am ALWAYS here if you want to talk, or need ANYTHING. (name of deceased) was a very special young person and I'm enormously sorry. X

To add, I think a person experiencing loss by suicide needs more quiet constant care then even a person experiencing 'ordinary' loss does.

Thank you for all your responses it is much appreciated.

I would advise, don’t overthink it. Just write what you feel. I’m sure because you are asking on here that you are a kind, sensitive and caring person. I know my mum didn’t open any of the cards they were sent after my sister’s suicide, that doesn’t mean she didn’t recognise they were well-meaning and supportive. The handwriting would have been familiar anyway, maybe she has opened them now, nearly three years on. Sorry to hear of your sad news.

I’d be inclined to write a letter and include some happy or positive memory I have about the person who died.

I would write a long card ie. Use the inside of the card to write something decently long about the person, as if they had died in a car crash or anything else. Any special thoughts or memories you have of their child even if it's from a long time ago. (I remember when (name) was in the school talent show and made us all laugh with their magic show etc. etc.)

I would not write anything flippant or trying to be funny as that can come across badly.

I also wouldn't say the 'please let me know if you need anything' as that's just overwhelming for people, or 'I'm here for you' as it can come across as a bit meaningless. Offers are good (I would like to cook you a meal/ walk your dog/ contribute to any charity/ help with the funeral -, if appropriate and you're close to the family). Even if people refuse those offers they know you are actually prepared to do something practical, not just vague offers.

I'm sure you will do a great job. I think being personal is important so writing something more than 'so sorry for your loss' is meaningful.

As someone who lost a child and had people -who I thought were friends - never speak to me again the only thing that matters is that you send a card. Just say that you’re thinking of them and send them your love.

Thanks for all your answers.
@Heatedrival I am so sorry that you had to go through that. X

Thinking of you, so sorry
with love from ….

you could add on the left side a note saying if you want to talk please just call, here for you or something along those lines

I agree that keeping it short is absolutely fine. A lovely way to show you are there and care I am sure will be appreciated.

"thinking of you at this time, sending love
[Name]"

I lost my ds to suicide 18 months ago and specifically said no cards as I couldnt deal with them...or flowers. That's just me though.

@Fraughtmum so sorry you had to go through that and are still living with it.

(They have said no flowers, but a card can be unopened if they decide it's too much like @Ithinkofawittyusernamethenforgetit mum did. I just don't want to do nothing.)