I miss my best friend so much

[Muckypig]

I'm 37. My best friend (from when we were 14) died last year. It was a hideous cancer journey that she should've survived based on surgery but it got her ten months after diagnosis. I miss her so much. She was my sounding board, my everything. I've taken up running (40 miles a week) and unfortunately drinking. How do I cope?

I lost my best friend a few years ago after mental health episodes (her), then she took her own life.

All I’ll say is it does get better/easier with time. If there’s anyone you can talk to about your memories with her that can help.

That's so sad. How awful for you. You must miss her so much after such a long and close friendship.

I found that the death of my friend didn't elicit the same concern as the death of a parent or sibling would or the same level of understanding from work or other people.

Drinking is a normal coping mechanism for grief as its good at numbing everything but ultimately unhelpful in the long run.

Have you connected with anyone else grieving, is there any local support group etc?

Lots of love to you

It's almost three years since my best friend died. I miss her so much and want to pick up the phone to tell her all the gossip. She's irreplaceable in my life. I don't have anyone else that knows me like she did. I really feel for you OP.

I’m so sorry for your loss @Muckypig
I don’t have any wise words for you.
I also lost my best friend last June to cancer.
I have other friends but she was my “soul mate“ friend. I miss our conversations, our laughter, her advice…everything.
This will probably sound ridiculous but I always talk to her at night when I look at the stars and this helps a little bit.

Thank you all. I have an amazing DH, but it's not the same as the chars we would have. And unfortunately (fortunately?) he knows that.

Hugs
late 2024 for me. Best friend from uni. The neurological condition that she'd had from birth finally took her breathing. I'd watch her lose so much over the 19 years we'd know each other... miss her everyday.

Actually I used to talk to my friend at night too, after she’d passed. Almost 20 years later the pain does ease somewhat.

15 years, 11 months and 29 days since my best friend was taken. In time you eventually learn to muddle along, the sense of disbelief dulls, the gaps kind of fill but nothing ever really feels right. I don’t know how you get to the stage where you accept it, I’m not sure if I’ll ever not be haunted.

I am so sorry about your friend. A very dear friend of mine died a few months into covid (from an unrelated cause, she had been diagnosed with a terminal illness a few years previously). She didn't want a funeral, and I've really struggled with that. I really miss her.

Things that helped me - small private things to celebrate her. She introduced me to an author and when the next in the series came out I bought a physical copy rather than an ebook and found somewhere beautiful outside to sit and read. There have been several new books since she died, and I always 'talk' to her when I read them.

My best friend died 3 years ago. I chatter away to her every day and didn't realise what a grumpy old sod my dh was until she left us.
There's nothing like the strong bond between besties...someone who totally gets you.
I really understand how you feel, it's like you've been robbed of a fun part of you. Sending so much love and a big hug

I lost my best friend due to heart surgery complications 3 weeks ago.

Besttobe8001 is so right, and I believe it’s called disenfranchised grief. Just today I met with 2 other friends and left early. 3 weeks and neither asked how I was. Messaged my dad the news. Read, no reply.

i run too. I took a week off when I realised the endorphins I used to thrive on, now gave such anger, it wasn’t healthy. Or maybe it is. But I struggled with it. Back to it now as I need some routine or I feel I’m going crazy.

And drinking. Yes. I pretty much gave up when I started my running journey, but it’s the only time I feel vaguely normal. It’s numbing, it’s not a healthy way to cope, but I’ll take it.

i read that the death of a best friend is so hard because they also take part of you with them. The person you were when you were with them. And they are so intertwined with our lives. I keep having thoughts or news and thinking I must text him and tell him. Then it hits.

my thoughts are with you.

I lost my best friend last November. She had been battling breast cancer for almost 5 years but it eventually got her. She was so brave throughout her battle and we laughed and cried together through it all.

We would go out for lunch every week without fail, even though she was having weekly chemo and I would go round to hers for coffee and chats weekly too. She was a ray of light in my life and someone who always knew the right things to say when I was having a bad time, or troubles in my own life.

The time we set aside especially to see each other became one of the highlights of my whole week.

I cannot begin to tell you how much I miss her. I hate that I cannot pick up the phone and talk to her, I hate that I can't message her and I can't walk into 'our cafe' anymore as its too sad to be there without her.

I have no advice for you, other than with time it does feel a little easier.

I think of her and smile and I try to live my life to the full because she continued to live hers that way, even though she knew her cancer was terminal.

Sending hugs OP 🌹

Hello, I’m the same age as you. We were best friends for 25 years. I’ve just come across this thread after having one of my ‘down’ evenings.
It’s been 6 months now and a lot of nights I push through and don’t let myself think about it. But tonight I’ve allowed myself to and am listening to songs that remind me of her and thinking about her. Having a young family helps I think - I’m usually busy and they provide a good distraction. The evenings are hard when I’m on my own.
I just miss her so much and it still seems surreal. I’m sorry I can’t offer much advice. I find comfort talking to my other friends who knew her and her husband.

I am so sorry for your loss. I am
envious of the friendship you have nurtured & experienced & despite having a lot of friends I would love the connection you have had with one special person..but it makes the closure ever so hard & I can feel your pain in your words. Take care.

My best friend died of breast cancer, so I am familiar with the circumstances. How do you cope? I'm still learning, but it does get easier with time. I try to do little things to remember her, like visiting the ocean, which was her favorite place. And I don't shy away from talking about her if the moment arises. Honor the grief and allow it to pass through you.

Im sorry you lost your friend. I lost a good friend in June of last year. His death was completely unexpected. He went into hospital with pneumonia and only in his 50s. I have agorophbia issues so was not able to visit him but we chatted one time. My other friend (his ex partner) was in the hospital and saw him die. I dont think he has got over it yet.

I still have some of our text chats on an old mobile. Although I dont use it for calls any more its here on my desk and I keep it charged. From time to time I open our chats and read them. He had a wonderful zany sense of humour and I do miss him and our exchanges.

9 years on, I miss my friend every day. I see her daughter (now 20) from time to time, and she looks so much like her it hurts. It must be killing her dad.

I agree, losing a friend does not carry the same weight to other people as losing a close family member. I can only sympathise @Muckypig. I don’t know what the answer is. Keep on running.