What to expect the last few days

[DN2019]

We got the call yesterday that my mum who has terminal cancer and is in a hospice, breathing had slowed so it’s worth coming sooner rather than later. She completely then rallied yesterday and has even been texting this morning. She’s still trying to eat bites of food and sips of drink. But her breathing is so slow. She’s on a low dose syringe driver currently and they haven’t had to up it since it went in two days ago. She was doing some very out of character things last night and also very perky, I thought she’d go over night but the nurses said she’s stabilised and had a good night. Has anyone else experienced this before? It’s so heartbreaking and a complete rollercoaster.

Hang in there ❤️ There are patterns that allow a bit of preparation (hence why they called you) but from my recent experience, no one really knows when someone will go. You are probably in the ‘days not weeks’ category now.
IMO the individual also has some ‘say’ in it and can ‘decide’ to go - but that is in no way scientific (and I probably made it up to give myself a bit of comfort)

I'm so sorry you and your mother are facing this - it is the worst of life's experiences.

It's hard to say. If she is still eating and drinking and even texting, it could be a while but it depends on what kind of cancer she has and whether she has other medical issues like a concurrent infection.

A typical pattern is becoming weaker, then being unable to talk but still squeeze a hand or move slightly, then become unconscious or appearing unconscious and then to move towards death slowly as the body shuts down.

That end stage - unconsciousness to death can be longer than you would think- sometimes several days to two weeks. You would think that someone no longer eating or drinking would not survive that long but it can happen and if you are a relative sitting by a bedside, it is very distressing and very emotionally tough. You start off not wanting to leave for a second but then 48 hours have gone by, you haven't eaten properly, showered or slept and the hospital staff are all telling you to look after yourself. They are right because you want to be fit and well and to be there for your mother and exhausting yourself doesn't help.

It is possible though for someone in that condition to have a sudden intracranial hemorhage or die suddenly. Speak to one of the more senior nurses or doctors there as they will have a better idea.

You have my heartfelt sympathy.
Unfortunately these times do not run to a set plan. All of us who have been through this with a lovdd one will have a different experience of how the final days occurred.
It is an awful time, emotionally and physically.
Obviously be there for your mum in her final moments but take time to look after yourself.

Please remember that the last sense to go is hearing. Play some gentle music, talk to her.