Secret funds given to sibling.

[Tocken]

Hi please help me understand this comment. My mum passed away a week ago and I coordinated all her care/finances and general health appointments along with weekly outings. Along with a care package my older sibling would provide tea and put mum to bed twice per week.

Today we had a memorial Mother’s Day walk with my two older brothers. We list m dad in 2019. Out of nowhere my sister mention mum had given her £5000 of Dads savings to look after but not to mention this to us. I find it difficult why mum would wish to hide this information, how my sister could agree to it and why mum did not mention this or sister before mums passing??? I can only assume this was a gift for her and to keep it quiet. I feel heart broken not because of the money, why mum would do this and now it’s too late to ask her about it. I feel my sister should have also mention it before mum became unwell.

Didn’t hide it
just didn’t mention it

That is very hurtful, so I can understand why you feel as you do. Your sister is raising this now, so hopefully it can be adjusted in inheritance, but I know that’s not the point. I’d feel very upset in your position too.

Thank you both.

Has sister “looked after it” or spent it? Was she asked to do so in for your mum to be below a funding rate re care? Ie deprivation of capitol?

oh op I see why your upset. Perhaps in a few weeks time ask your sister how the situation came about. If you wernt doing all that you mentioned and it was just your sister doing it you could sort of understand why your mum gave her money quietly and perhaps it made your mum feel secure that she wouldn’t be asked to go into a paid care home. But as you did lots for your mum too I can see your hurt. I’m so sorry op it’s not nice to find out after the fact

Something important to remember when a parent dies is that money ≠ love. Whatever the reason your mum passed the money on to your sister, it doesn't mean she loved her more of the rest of you any less.

Your feelings will be affected by the raw grief you are feeling now. It was fine that your mum chose to do this and good of your sister to mention it openly. Would have been silly for mum to split the money between four of you to look after, she just saw your sister more regularly so was probably the obvious choice at the time.

Does your sister still have the £5000 (plus interest from saving I would hope)?
And is she planning to split this money equally between the siblings?
If so, then that is fair...but what was the reason for doing it in the first place I wonder?

If she has spent the money or is not planning on splitting it between the siblings, then yes that is much more upsetting.

If your mother asked her to look after it that does not sound like a gift but there was some reason your mum wanted it out of her account and with someone safe and trusted. Don't over react. You are grieving but this does not sound sinister in any way and your sister is mentioning it now so it isn't a secret.