Son lost his dad, found grey hairs

[Catlady1982]

My son is 12 and he lost his dear daddy late last year to cancer. He became ill before summer, diagnosed July, terminal by the time they looked inside him. It was aggressive and he was so poorly. My son essentially lost out on any chance of special time with him because of how ill he was so quickly.

He went for his haircut this weekend and the hairdresser (who we know well, been going to her since before son was born) spotted his hair round his crown has grown through grey. She said it’s probably how the stress and grief is affecting him.

Has anyone experienced anything similar before? I feel so sad for him, he’s going through enough already without having to deal with grey hair at 12 years old

I had grey streaks behind my ears at 13. Definitely grey (coarse, etc). I assumed I’d be fully grey by 30. Oddly, once puberty ended, my grey hairs disappeared. I do have some grey now - but then I’m 53.

So it’s possibly grief - but may just be one of those things.

Just to add, I actually liked my grey hair.

My best friends mum went grey when she suffered a sudden death in her 30’s, so yes its possible. But I’d hope, as he’s so young that it’ll correct itself as he gets used to the new normal and stress levels fall.
At least as its hair, he can colour it if it’s really bothering him? Although being a boy, it might not worry him.
Have you accessed childhood bereavement counselling? My friends kids had help from a charity, I’d hope there would be similar near you.
Sorry for your loss, it must be so hard navigating your own grief while having to put your child first.

So sorry for your loss and everything you are having to go through.
Premature greying can be a sign of some vitamin deficiencies (often B12 I think, but don’t quote me on that) and stress notoriously depletes nutrient stores, so it may be worth getting your son some supplements to help slow any greying down due to deficiencies.

@user7538796538yes he is having counselling through a local service. He’s very out of sorts though, understandably. I think reality is setting now dad hasn’t been around for a few months

@Groundhogday2025I’ll have a look into that and get him some multivitamins. With everything that’s been going on we haven’t been eating very healthily over the last few months

His dad and I separated when he was 4 and had been together 10 years and stayed good friends (despite disagreements), so yes it’s very difficult navigating my own grief and my sons. I’ve been helping his partner sort pensions and things so my son and his older half-sister have some money for the future and it’s taken its toll. I think it’s only just hitting me about now as I’ve been in crisis mode for so long.

My son is 24 and he has some grey hairs too, his hair is very dark though. We lost his dad a couple of years ago but I didn’t really equate it with grief but he is pretty stressed all of the time too.