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What to put on a ledger stone?

1 reply

TurnipsAndParsnips · 01/03/2026 12:24

My Dad died in the 1990s, and my Mum 18 months ago. I’m finally getting around to sorting out a ledger stone for their grave but have no idea what to put on it. In loving memory, then their names and dates of birth and death? Anything else? The churchyard is very strict about what can go on it (the mason groaned when I told him what church it is), and I think it is easier to ask the church rather than work it out from their book of rules. I have already had a lengthy battle with the church on their names, as my Mum was known by her third name, and my Dad by a shortened version, and they have finally agreed that I can have just “Joan Smith” for my Mum, but won’t agree to my Dad’s shortened name, even in brackets after his first name. I’m at the point where I wish I had just scattered the ashes, as it’s causing so much hassle, not helped by the fact that I’m living abroad for work at the moment.

OP posts:
tarheelbaby · 02/03/2026 10:42

Sympathy for you and hugs! Memorial stones are tricky because, as you mention, churches have rules. I also found that the masons were not very involved - unlike other companies which send you 50 emails a day, the masons couldn't manage to return calls/emails!

Also, the international thing just adds hassle. My late DH had accounts in the US and trying to navigate the red tape for that is hideous ... and expensive: phone calls are not included in minutes so are not free; postage for sending original/official documents is not free; time zones make contact more challenging.

Sadly, I have no advice about the ledger stone. I favour full names so I'd have just gone with those and their dates (I love reading the amazing names people had in the past) but I appreciate that others feel differently and want the names their loved ones used most. Presumably, people who know your parents know what they were called day-to-day.

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