Family member and baby loss

[KnittingQuestion]

Hello.
I was hoping for some advice, if anyone feels able to give any.
A family member of mine, whom I very rarely see (but not through any falling-out - just different lives over the years), has tragically lost a baby at 23 weeks (first child, conceived through IVF). I have seen her once in maybe a decade, so I don't feel I know her at all really, but I want to reach out (if appropriate). I don't have her phone number, but have an address. I don't know the sex of the baby, or if he/she had a name. I was thinking of sending a condolences card and perhaps some easy snacky "special" food (custom made brownies?). Would this be appropriate? And is there anything else appropriate? I'm thinking she's not going to want me to find out her number and ring her, but could find out number and Whatsapp?

Sorry if these are stupid questions, and thank you very much in advance.

I would send a card but special brownies or snack I would avoid

Thank you. Is there anything else I could send, to go with card, do you think?

Just a card, she barely knows you.

I'd say send a baby bereavement card, there are some lovely ones out there (rather than a standard bereavement card). I think it's a lovely thought. I also wouldn't send snacky things. A card is enough.

Include your number and she can get in touch if she wants to and that you are there to talk also, do ask what the baby's name is. There are also some lovely bereavement mother's day cards. With that date looming that will be a hard day especially, so maybe choose one of those to send instead, and send it early. Acknowledge that she's a mum too.

When I lost my baby so many people avoided me. The ones who openly acknowledged my baby and asked his name were a little lifeline. Someone said they would light a candle for my baby. I'm not religious but I thought it was a lovely gesture.

Just send a card, you barely know her. Don’t send flowers or food.

In your situation I don't think I would, but I would pass on your best through family. And, if appropriate acknowledge in person when you see her, and, again if appropriate, ask her babies name, if the baby looked like her or the dad etc.

I hated everyone I everyone I ever met sending me a bereavement card, no acknowledgment of the fact the my baby was here, just that my baby had died.

I then felt weird when receiving a card off people I hardly know as well. It almost felt like a check off the list of their obligations rather than a personal message.

As someone who has been in this situation, just a card would be thoughtful and appreciated. But I would avoid sending anything else, its overkill if you don't know them that well and could come across as 'all about you being nice' rather than the simple gesture of 'you are in my thoughts' if you see what I mean.

Everyone is different so it’s hard to know. My beloved daughter died very recently. I got comfort from the vast number of cards we received. And flowers. Even from people who we barely knew (friends of friends etc). Every one meant something to me because it acknowledged my daughter and our loss. So I’d definitely send a nice specialist baby bereavement card. And some letterbox flowers too perhaps.

I suggested letterbox flowers because they aren’t too “showy” given you barely know her and it won’t necessitate her answering the door to receive them.

@TimeToStopLurking , @DestinedToBeOutlived , @ErlingHaalandsManBun and @LadyMacbethWasFierce I am so sorry that you have had the experience of losing your beloved babies.

Thank you so much for taking the time to post.