Open coffin- is this normal?

[Anotherloss]

DH's step-mum died suddenly abroad and yesterday, family could view her- either open or closed coffin before the actual funeral. We all sat in the waiting room/reception of the funeral directors. There was a receptionist answering phones and taking in packages from delivery drivers in the same room.

I assumed we'd go to a quiet waiting area, then the funeral director would direct us to the room step mum was in.

Instead, directly from the communal waiting area, the funeral director opened a door and said 'She's in here'. The body was visible from the waiting area. No curtain or screen. My SIL, who hadn't wanted to view her mum, started crying and saying 'Oh my God- she is just there!'. I too hadn't planned to see her. Is this the norm at a funeral directors for a viewing or just a poor set up?

This happened to me when I went to see my dad at the Chapel of Rest.

I’d got this vision of sitting behind a curtain waiting for it to open, but when he directed me into the room there was my dad was to my left! It really stunned me!

It’s certainly normal in Ireland. In the context of pretty much everyone seeing the body of the dead person, and closed casket funerals being very rare.

I have seen my in-laws both were in private rooms.
I didn't see my parents. Younger brother did and again in private rooms.

Not clear from your post if this is abroad or in UK? I've seen various family members in chapels of rest in UK and it's always been a private room, appointment only etc. Gosh how awful for you all :(

Not clear from your post if this is abroad or in UK? I've seen various family members in chapels of rest in UK and it's always been a private room, appointment only etc. Gosh how awful for you all :(

I think it depends where you are. As pp, I'm in Ireland and most people would view the body like this pre burial. I'm sorry for your loss. Hope you're doing ok.

My daughter was in a private room with her face covered. I would have been weirded out if it was a bit public.

I'm so sorry OP.

Should have said, we aren't Irish nor from a family where viewing is common. Yes, I've seen bodies open in a church, but not this setting. This was in England.

Due to the death being abroad, some family wanted to see her to say goodbye. It took weeks of red tape to bring her back. The funeral director told us all, in the communal waiting area, NOT to touch her or kiss her to due 'skin slip' which he said was part of the embalming process. (I'm aware this isn't actually from embalming, but the length of time since she died.) These details also felt un-necessary, especially for those of is not planning to view her.

Really unusual in England. I’ve never seen a dead body and I’d hate this.

Sounds pretty normal to me. The room was private…in that it had a door and was not a ‘communal area’. Funeral directors are usually very small offices with a reception/waiting area, with a viewing room ‘just off’, so yes, you’d just be shown directly into the room from the reception area.

I ask this gently, but why did your SIL go to a viewing at all, if she didn’t want to see your MIL?

Sorry for your loss 💖

Sorry am I misunderstanding some parts of this? It was a private room, it wasn’t in public was it? But you could see some elements when he opened the door - why was anyone in the waiting room who didn’t want to view her? Sorry not trying to be belligerent at all, but it makes no sense to me.

Actually, if this was how it was then yes, that is quite normal as many funeral directors only have small premises. I thought you meant she was in a corner with the receptionist taking deliveries and calls etc.

You could give them.some feedback and suggest perhaps they add a screen over the door to prevent a view from the waiting area, which does feel like a very reasonable and appropriate request.

I ask this gently, but why did your SIL go to a viewing at all, if she didn’t want to see your MIL? why was anyone in the waiting room who didn’t want to view her
@CheddarCheeseAndCrispSandwich @Arlanymor

The viewing was only for close, family members. As said, only half of us wanted to view her with the open coffin, the rest were happy to have a few minutes of quiet, private time with the lid closed- something you don't get at the actual funeral. I personally wanted to remember her as she was, and not see her nearly 2mths post death. What we didn't expect was the door to be open to the communal waiting area and us all to see the body- even those who had requested no to.

Yes, a private room, but the layout meant that if general public or another delivery driver walked in, they too could have seen the body. I appreciate everyone's thoughts, it just felt unprofessional when they knew only half wanted to see the open coffin.

I agree it would have made a lot more sense to have had the casket closed to begin with. But unless it was elevated, I’m not sure how anyone saw anything from the doorway. Coffins are usually on a trolley and because they are high sided you don’t see anything until you are close up. Again, not being argumentative, I just can’t see this scenario in my mind. Sorry for your loss by the way, my aunt died last month and it’s still very raw.

@Arlanymor I appreciate the comments and I'm sorry for the loss of your aunt. The waiting area only had 3 seats, so majority of us were standing and the viewing room was absolutely tiny. Just enough to fit the coffin with a shelf for a box of tissues. Not even a chair inside, so we were all fairly close- even from the waiting area.

Oh that sounds really hard, I am so sorry. Like a cupboard? Ouch. I think it just feels disrespectful when a loss feels diminished in any way, even situationally if that makes sense? I guess if they are limited for space then they can't change that, but they can start with the casket closed and maybe that is some feedback you can give them? It must have been very harrowing to have lost her abroad and to deal with all of the red tape that follows, you have all of my sympathy. Thanks for your kind wishes, it's been a horrible few weeks.

Sounds like she was in a private room but you could see her from the waiting room. I’d say this is fairly normal for a funeral directors as they have small premises. I’d imagine it was a shock for you as not expecting to see her like that.