Lost

[Feyra25]

Lost my dad unexpectedly in December 25 it was a such a shock to us. My mum has fallen apart I had to step up and sort everything out. I have no siblings, single and have an 18 year old. I tuink I was in auto pilot until we had the funeral but I put everything aiee that I was feeling and concentrated on mum and my son. I have been sleeping at my mums house since dad died for a 2 nights a week sometimes she comes to me. I feel ao guilty because I in the beginning I was concentrating on mum and not fully with my son . It doesnt help thay mum suffers from severe anxiety made worse by grief . I have got her on waiting list for groef counselling but I feel so guilty beavsue at times its all too much for me. Sometimes I just wish she would ask how are you doing instead it feels like its all her and she is only one grieving. All.she says There are many tkme I come home and cry in the shower. I dont know who I am any more I feel like I another person just going through the.motions. my son and I chat about dad and how we are feeling but I do hold stuff bavk from.him about my feelings because he is 18 he needs to be enjoying life. I have also asked for grief counselling and I am on the list. Ii have lost interest in work , socialising and just cant be bothered. I feel lonely and dont like to keep talking to friends I just feel its not fair for them to listen to me about how I am. My godmother said thay when her dad died her life changed and not all good as she had to do alot more for her mum. I sometimes know exactly how she fels and feel so guilty about that.
Is it normal to feel lost . I feel like an outside looking in on my life and I just dont know where I am going.

Sorry to hear about your Dad. It's still a really new and it's a lot to be supporting your mum and grieving your loss too. I think it's natural to feel a bit lost and still be making sense of how life looks right now. It sounds like you might be feeling depressed too, can you go to your GP and talk about how you're feeling and also lean on friends for support.

TheLittleGreenFairy thank you for your reply. I do talk to one friend who has gone though the same thing but my other friends even though they are lovely they just dont get it and just tell me to stay strong and basically get on with it, or say dont do so much for your mum which is easier said than done. How can I not reply to her texts or go and se her when she is crying and.said she csmt cope with life her rock soul mate is gone. Maybe I should speak to Doctor but I have never taken any.medixation or anything so a little reluctant to start

This is so early, it’s all so new. No wonder you’re feeling like this. I think you’re still in shock tbh, feeling distanced like that sounds like shock to me. My Dh died very suddenly and I behaved pretty oddly for I’d say 2 years.

Yes I’d go to the doctor. They may suggest meds or they may not. It’s not compulsory. Sometimes they come up with something you haven’t considered, or a local service that we wouldn’t know about. Who are you on the list for counselling with?

Do you do anything out in nature? I had friends who took me out walking a lot, and I’ve known people say that gardening helped them - doing something real and slow paced and quiet. I even did cold water swimming for a bit but not any more.

I’m so sorry for your loss losing a parent is just so painful over the last few years. I’ve lost both of mine however they were separated, so I didn’t have to support the other in their grief although I have really struggled to support my mum’s long-term companion, who showed no interest in us as a family before she died.

I would strongly suggest antidepressants they lifted me out of the fog when I lost my mum and enabled me to function on a more normal level. I went to several different types of grief counselling. If you google there are lots of different talking therapists and you Or your mum may find something that you can access much sooner.
Does your mum have any siblings or close friends that you could speak to you to help you support her?

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s still very early on and however hard it is you really need to be kind to yourself and give yourself time and space. I lost my dad a few years ago, similar situation with my mum she now relies on me. Not one member of my family as ever asked me how i am or how im doing, my dad and I were inseparable and always have been. I’m starting to realise it’s not from a bad place, everyone’s just different and hurts differently.
exercise helps me a lot, especially swimming. Here if you want to talk x

Thank you everyone for replying and the offers of a chat it means alot . I will make an appointment with the doctors and see what they say. I went swimming to ight first time since my dad passed and do feel better it was just 30 mins of not thinking about anytiing. I definitely need to do it at least once a week. Mum's family live 3 hours away and they do phone each other regularly but its not like they are 5 mins away and can pop kn. I found a loyal support group which mum is going to attend and see if irs ahytii g that will help her. She ks trying bless her just when anxiety kicks in and she has bad days its like she takes one step forward and then 6 steps back. Its going to be a long road but you have given me food for tjought and hope which is something I need. Thank you