Grieving, pregnant, isolated

[rollup]

I suddenly lost my dad last week. He went to work as normal and had a cardiac arrest. I am also 8 months pregnant with my second child. I’ve been living abroad with my DH and DS for the best part of a year.

I’m so grateful I managed to fly back to England quickly to see him briefly before he passed and attend the funeral. But he was unconscious and on life support and it is a horrible last memory of him. And now due to giving birth soon I’ve had to return overseas. Everything feels so much worse.

Everyone is telling me to be strong for the baby but it’s the last thing i feel capable of doing right now. I had horrible PND with my first after a traumatic birth and I was really trying to get in to the mindset of calm, positive, mentally strong before the birth this time and now I feel I’ve gone 1000 steps back.

I am in complete shock my dad died and can’t even begin to feel it between parenting, pregnancy, the mammoth nervous system strain of living overseas, and basically having no support system here.

I’m also so sad and worried for my family, especially my mum, and feel so guilty and useless being far away and not being able to help. I know her and my siblings are struggling immensely and in so much pain too.

I’m just devastated to have lost my dad, for him to not meet my new baby, and to be without a father. He never did wrong by me and my heart is broken, i feel like I’ll never be ok again.

I don’t have anything to say except I’m so, so sorry. That is a horrible thing to have to go through at what is meant to be such a lovely time and of course you aren’t going to be ok right now.

Try to look after yourself as much as you can; take things easy. Do you have a perinatal mental health team after last time? Or a GP you can talk to?

I'm so sorry for he loss of your lovely father @rollup . Grief is hard at the best of times and it is normal to feel overwhelmed. Shock helps you function during the raw early part. I can't say anything to take away your pain as there is nothing that helps. It is true that grief is proportionate to the love you felt as they say its the price for love - so a big love will usually mean big grief.

Remember though that when your baby is born, your dad lives on as part of you and your child. The need to look after your baby will fill your mind and time and help you every day as a distraction to cope with your grief.

Hugs and love to you.