Exhaustion and physical pain

[FuzzyGalgo]

My lovely Dad died on Monday. He was 77 and hadn't been ill for long. When the end came, it was sudden. I'm probably still in shock, but I'm now feeling absolutely exhausted. My chest is heavy, my limbs are like lead and everything aches. I know there's no such thing as normal when it comes to grief, but the intense physical nature of it has taken me by surprise.

I just wanted to share this in a place where people would understand. It's incredibly hard isn't it?

It's awful. The emotions are exhausting. Hugs x

Oh big hugs, that chest and heavy pain stays around for a wee bwhile but I promise it does ease over time the physical impact was for me kidney ache which I learnt was my adrenal glands, the tight chest and aching and heavy feeling was lack of sleep and the crying is exhausting.

i hope he passed peacefully and that you can get through the next days and months with support on here, keep talking keep sharing everyone was amazing and helped me no end when my dad died, same age as yours but 4 year ago now.

Hello lovely. I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. 💐 Were you close?

My mum died - also suddenly, and at 77 - in mid December. So I’m about 7 weeks in.

I found the physicality of grief shocking as well - particularly as it mimicked the symptoms of my mother’s final illness (heart failure): chest pains, desperate air hunger, fatigue, inability to eat. I’ve lost a stone I didn’t particularly have to spare, and for the first few weeks I felt constantly like I was going to throw up from my heart.

My sleep stabilised after about 2-3 weeks, and I’m not gasping for breath or suffering chest pains anymore. But I think I must be just generally inflamed, as my joints and muscles ache, and I am locked with tension from the shoulders up.

There’s a CS Lewis quote I have thought of a lot - ‘nobody told me that grief could feel so much like fear’ - or something like that. It does feel very visceral and jarring.

But for me it has eased a bit as the shock has begun to dissipate.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 33 years very suddenly recently. I was really taken back by the physical pain. For me initially, I actually feared I was having a heart attack regularly. Now, after a few months, it's terrible, knotting, cramping pains in my stomach area that just come on very suddenly out of the blue. It does get less intense over time.Just take one minute at a time, get through each day x

Hi OP my dad died recently. Very young too. I watched him have a cardiac arrest and the CPR. I was very close to him and genuinely thought he’d be fine and make it out of hospital. Life has lost its flavour and much like you my back feels heavy and broken.

I'm sorry for your loss OP. I lost my Dad very suddenly 4 years ago. I can relate, the physical pain is so intense at times. For me the pain hasn't reduced, however with time it has become manageable. For me I don't think I will ever get over the shock but instead am learning to live with it. When I remember him, rather than fighting it, instead I let the pain wash over me and it passes, as hard as it is. I was walking home from work this week and I suddenly thought to myself, oh I haven't spoken to Dad for a while, I had better call him. I couldn't believe I forgot for a split second. That was particularly hard. You miss them in different ways as time goes I find. I hope you find peace and sorry for your loss again x

Thanks so much everyone. It really helps to know I'm not alone in this (though I wish you all weren't going through it). Me and Dad were close. We'd had our battles during my younger years, but as I got older we got on much better. He was a brilliant Grandad to my sons. I can hardly believe he's gone, it was just so quick.

The funeral is two weeks away. I've been busy with planning it and supporting my step Mum. There are lots of practical things that need doing, but none of us are ready. One day at a time. Sending love and solidarity to you all x