This might be the wrong place to post, but I'm not sure where else this belongs.
I'm experiencing what I can describe as anticipatory grief. My father has stage 4 cancer, and we found out 3 days ago. None of us have had a chance to process what's happening. He is in hospital and having surgery this afternoon, which is palliative in nature. He has a 50% chance of surviving the surgery. I will be seeing him before the surgery, which might be the last time I see him. He is fully aware of this and terrified.
I want my time with him today before the surgery to be reassuring and comforting for him, but I feel desperately sad and bereft and I can't stop crying. Does anyone have any advice on how to keep it together? I know he hasn't gone, he may well survive the surgery and live for another 2 years, which is the best case scenario in his case.
Seeing me incredibly upset has a big impact on him and I don't want to add to his anguish. I tried doing breathing and grounding exercises, but nothing works. I know my feelings are natural, but they are really unhelpful right now.