Comforting friend experiencing loss of infant

[Susan1972]

I have just found out that my friend has lost her son, who was just four months old. He passed away 3 weeks ago. It is such devastating news. Having a 3 year old I can't imagine going through such a loss. I received the news by letter & rang immediately this morning but found it very hard to stay composed and we didn't talk for long. The private funeral is next week. We live a long way apart but I want her to know i'm there for her - but as she is quite a private and reserved person I'm feeling cautious about how I can express this. Any advice?

Maybe you could send a card with a note or letter expressing how you'd really like to be there for her?

So sorry for your friend

Could you send her a card/letter expressing how you feel, that you are there for her if she wishes to talk. It might be easier than phoning again but you could still get your message accross.

oh my goodness how awful, i agree seng her a car and write a letter in their saying how sorry you are and if you need anything let you know , id try best to keep her busy too as it prob be worse after the funeral xx

That's just the worst thing I could imagine. I'm sorry. I don't have any advice, apart from write to her and let her know how you feel. I imagine she will be in very deep grieving for some time to come, and sadly no-one can change that.

Thanks everyone. Still feel so shocked and saddened by the news. Just so awful

Write - and then keep writing. So many people make initial contact, but then don't know what to say afterwards, and later down the line that can make you quite isolated. So if you can, try to make sure you keep in touch, and that you talk about her baby, use his name, say how beautiful he was, how much he must have felt loved, etc.

Write and then in a couple of weeks ring. Talk for as long as you feel comfortable. Then ring again a few weeks later etc etc. My friend lost a child and we talked a lot after it (she also lives a long way from me). We talked about everything- a lot about her child but also just day to day stuff.

It is the absolutely worst thing that anyone can go through. You can do nothing at all to make it better, but you can be someone who is normal around her and not embarrassed and I think in its own way that can help.

Habbibu has summed it up very well, stay in touch with her as she may need a shoulder to cry on during her times of despair which could happen months down the line.