Starting the new year without my mother

[Talk2Night]

I lost my mother at the beginning of December. Christmas was horrific, everyone was planning for a celebration, I was planning a funeral. The funeral has now taken place. It has been an awful end to a challenging year. How do I move forward into 2026? What advice can you give?

I am crying everyday, looking through photos, wearing her clothes - we shared a lot. The house is empty, her loss is profound.

@Talk2Night I am so so sorry. That's awful and especially at Christmas time. Do you have any support around you like other family members or friends who can perhaps be with you so you aren't alone. Of course keep posting here and I will listen too!
Advice wise, I'd say take each hour at a time and try not to think too far ahead.

@Talk2Night massive hugs. I lost my mum earlier this year. In my experience, the first few weeks were the hardest. It took my a couple of months to even get out of the daze (time passing in weird ways, sleep disrupted, low energy, crying through the day etc.)
It's so hard. I found talking about her helped a lot. I am lucky enough to have a therapist and grief counselling group. I understand that free ones exist too.
Go easy with yourself and try not have any expectations of how your grief might play out, as it can be such a rollercoaster.

Live in the moment and allow yourself time and space to grieve. You don't need to think about how to "move forward in 2026"
Be gentle with yourself.

Your post touched me.

I'm in my mid 70s and my health isn't great. I live with my adult child and their partner. They look after me and I'm grateful.

I hope, really hope, that when I die, my child will remember all the good times we've had together. All the laughing and joy that being together brought us.

I hope they don't dwell on my death. Death is inevitable. You know that don't you?

Would your Mum want you to feel so bad?

If she loved you as much as you clearly loved her, you know she wouldn't want that for you.

so honour your Mum by living your fullest life, celebrating how much she gave you

Of course, I'm now projecting my feelings onto you. Sorry.

I’m so sorry u have lost your lovely mam I send u the biggest hugs and love . Lost my dad in may and it’s very difficult. Thinking of u xxx

Can you take some holiday? If so, take that holiday. Wear your Mum's favourite hat. Go to places she loved. Honestly, the best way of getting through grief is to start living better than ever in celebration of their life. It makes you feel closer to your loved one and feel better about living without them.

My darling Mum died in 2014 she was a wonderful,unique lady . Time does heal but that time takes a long time. Sending my love.X

Sorry for your loss. If it helps, I lost my beloved Dad at the beginning of December. We've had the funeral, Christmas which was crap but I kept going for the kids. Now we're clearing his house which I'm finding heart breaking and emotionally exhausting.
Its hard so I can empathise. I'm crying most days, looking at pictures and sorting through his things has been both devastating and weirdly cathartic. We've donated his things to charity and kept things that were important to us.
I don't sleep much, hence why I'm on here at this time. But I'm functioning.
I miss him so much it hurts but he would be cross if he saw me sitting crying.
So I'm being my fathers daughter, using the strength he instilled in me and moving forward.
Still stop in my tracks and cry randomly because it dawned on me that no one will ever love me so unconditionally and unflinching like he did. and that feels so lonely. but thats human and its ok to grieve.
Everyone grieves differently and no way is right or wrong. I find talking about him and laughing at his wee jokes and remembering the good times helpful. Then I sit on my couch and sob.
I hope you have some support too, someone to listen to you. My DH is great and I'm lucky I have good friends to help me.

Thank you, both of us were estranged from our wider family so I don't have anyone else and I don't have any friends. I know people but nothing solid, reliable that you could reach out for for something deep like this.

I feel like I'm in a daze and I am going to seek counselling next week when everything reopens properly.

I know that her death was inevitable but the shock of it actually happening is something else. We were so close and her absence is shocking to me.

I am in exactly the same stage as you but I have not cleared any of her things, the house remains as it was the day she left. So sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry, OP.

I lost my mum very suddenly last December. I won't lie, it has been hard. But now, a year on, I find that I'm more able to focus on the happy memories. I was incredibly lucky to have a fantastic mum who gave me so much. I do miss her terribly, but that's now mixed with gratitude for having had what we had.

It sounds like you were very lucky, too, to have such a close relationship with your own mum. That will make this time all the more difficult for you, but hopefully, in time, you will be able to reflect on the positive memories. Life really does go on, and your mum wouldn't want it to be any other way.

It won't be easy, but you will get through this. One day at a time. Sending lots of love your way.

Dad was in a council house so we had 3 weeks to clear it otherwise I'd have left it. Sorting it and going through his things has been heart breaking but has almost been final. He's gone. Every time I smell his jumper I smell home though.
I'm sorry for your loss, theres nothing anyone can do or say at this time that helps.
If it helps, you can talk on here about your mum, how you're feeling.
I feel totally lost. Its my birthday on Friday, it will be so sad without him.

Grief is very much like anxiety. Just horrible.
I hated the fact that the world keeps turning and people got back on with their lives after my dad died.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and take one day/hour at a time - it's all you can do really.
A therapist/group might help if u click with them. Good luck op it's really hard.xxx

Three weeks is no time at all to sort everything out. I lived with my mother and haven't touched anything in the house. It will end up being a museum to her I think.

Solidarity, OP! I’ve nothing helpful, just that I’m in a similar boat. My lovely DM died early December, her funeral is next week. Xmas was rough, I kept up a facade for teen DC but when she went to stay at her dad’s, I crumbled.

I turned 50 a couple of days after DM died and it’s daft but I feel like an orphan - at 50! I seem to be either an emotional wreck or numb, with not much in between. The amount of crying and physical distress has reduced over the last two weeks, which is a good thing because I couldn’t manage ‘life’. Imagine the funeral will set it all off again.

DM had been ill for a long time and it was obvious/inevitable what the outcome would be, but the reality of her death, as you say, is still shocking. I’m trying to focus on the fact that I was lucky to have her as my DM, but it’s not easy. I feel a bit rudderless and lost.

I think counselling is a good idea - will be good for you to have the opportunity to talk about things/your feelings. People get through this. You will survive. We will all survive our grief. But it’s a journey we have to get through, not something to just get over. 💐

Sorry for your loss, same thing has happened to me and could do with advice

Thank you for sharing, I feel exactly the same and I wish you well for the funeral. You are right everyone survives it but when you are in it, it feels impossible.

Just take one day at a time. I've been alone since it happened so no one to help me but also no one to bother me. I've slept a lot, pottered around the house. I need to contemplate returning to work which I know will be another wrench.

Post on here. I know the online world gets a lot of bad press but I've found MN very useful at this awful time.

I am so sorry, sending love and sympathy.

I was in this position last year, we lost Mum in December and had the funeral just before new year. Christmas and new year will never be the same.

It's weird as it doesn't really feel like last year counted in terms of first Christmas without her etc.

It is horrible whenever it happens but Christmas seems to make things worse. You will get through it though. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself

Thank you, I feel this. We had her illness, death, first Christmas, funeral and New Year in the space of one month. It is a lot.

You’ll get through it OP. As others have said, live your best life to honour your mother. My mother died in December 23 & my father died in April 25. I’m an only child. It’s tough.

We lost my dad just before Xmas. I couldn’t cope as dad always came to us. We went away so I didn’t have to deal with it. Not too Xmasy. Lots of walks on the beach and very quiet. Perfect. I feel cor you

So sorry for your loss. I have lost both parents now. It is so difficult.