Christmas after losing parents over separate Christmas’s

[NorthernLass50]

Both my parents died around Christmas - my dad 10 years ago from Alzheimer’s and my mum 4 years from lung cancer.
So not a new or recent bereavement but I just always find this time of year very hard with the memories of what was happening at the respective time.

I have a DH who is very supportive and I get on really well with his parents. No children so our Xmas will be us and our dog having a quiet one. We’re seeing parents in law on Boxing Day. We’ll have a nice time but I’ll be glad when it’s over.

It feels like I really should have got my head around it by now. I’m not falling apart but I’m just sad and have to make a massive effort to have any enthusiasm for this time of year.

Just wanted to see if I’m on my own in feeling this way…

I lost both my parents, within a year of each other over 20 years ago, and I still have days when I miss one or the other, or the pair of them.
I don't think there is a time limit.
It is always going to be more difficult for you as it is so close to a time of year where there is a societal expectation from people that everyone is going to be happy and enjoying themselves, rather than an anonymous time of year like most of us have.

Be gentle with yourself, this time of year is hard. Like @RecordBreakerssaid, there’s societal expection to be happy & have a perfect Christmas. The pressure is too much. Grief comes in waves, I’ve found and missing your parents, however long it’s been, shows the love between you.
Try to remember happy times with them, and let your feelings flow.

I totally understand. My Dad passed away on Christmas day. It'll be three years this year. It's still hard. I put on a front for the kids ( older teens ) but I'd happily fast forward Christmas.

Not alone at all. My Dad died 2 weeks ago. I'm still processing and trying to grieve. DH is absolutely brilliant. But I feel like I'm just functioning. Almost like a robot.
I've bought nothing for kids for Christmas, we havent been to the panto. I've literally done nothing but cry and organise funeral/clear his house. DH has bought presents online and we're doing shopping tomorrow. I just have nothing to give right now. Grief is exhausting, the waves are devastating.
Poor DS12 is excited for christmas but also gutted at having lost his grandad.
I feel so lonely.

I’m so sorry @Mediocrewife that is very tough timing indeed. It’s so hard when you’ve to keep things going for kids at the same time as grieving so hard.

I’m having the second Christmas in a row where I’ve lost a parent that year - the second less than 10 weeks ago - and honestly it’s not easy. At least this year I’m not cooking and entertaining for over a dozen (sigh) and can step back a bit.

Not easy though..

@Mediocrewife I’m so sorry. Thank you for taking the time to reply at such a difficult time. Look after yourself, sending a big hug.

thank you all who replied; your comments really have helped xx