Today I am being stalked by the ghost of Christmas past.
I’m listening to carols as I prepare our family roast for tomorrow. Sobbing messily at the injustice of it all; the guilt, the futility, the ‘what if’ and the ‘if only’
Remembering the happy times when you were a little boy and Christmas was such a magical time. We were a normal family, not perfect, but now broken and forever changed.
I miss you so much.
I wish that you could have spoken to someone, to anyone about how you were feeling and what you were planning, but no-one knew anything was wrong.
The day you left was like a bomb detonating into our lives. Five years on and the wounds are like huge, poorly healing scars.
I love you so much and I hope you are at peace now. I think about you every day and wish that things could be different…
Hold your children tight this Christmas. Tell them how much you love them. Our precious, unreplaceable, beloved children.