Why am I so sad

[The1990club]

Hello oooo

I am hoping others can share their experience if they have been through similar. My dad died on Sunday, aged 65, suddenly. My parents divorced when we were small and my sisters and I were used as a weapon ( by mum) and as a result of this we never had a relationship with him. He tried, not hard enough, but whilst he wasn't bad man he wasn't responsible and this combined with my mum preventing contact meant we never had a proper relationship. A few years ago we reconciled but it was to late to build a relationship. My dad was on the fringes of society and was alcohol dependent but my few memories of him are fond and he was warm, kind and loving.

Since his passing I am really sad. I feel like a fraud because he was not a traditional dad. Most people are estranged from abusive parents but thats not the reason for our estrangement. Im taking it out on mum too because we weren't allowed contact or were guilt tripped into not wanting to see and the manipulation just makes me seethe.

I just feel so sad,he died alone. I hope he knew that I did love him although it was so heavy on my heart.

Bless you OP. Grieving brings up so many emotions. It may be helpful for you to process your feelings/emotions with a counsellor. Lots to unpick here, seems you’re grieving the loss of the relationship initially and now the physical loss so no potential of repairing the relationship.

I would definitely seek professional help.

Be kind to yourself x

Losing someone when you had a distant or complicated relationship can be more distressing than when it is someone close. It can be really difficult to deal with. Do you have people around to talk to? Bereavement counselling may help.

I’m really sorry for your loss. Even if the relationship wasn’t traditional, the pain you feel shows you cared, and it’s normal to have regret and confusion. Family history makes grief more complicated. It’s okay to feel sad and to have mixed emotions.