Relationship and inheriting a dog

[YourAzureBear]

I've been suffering with fibromyalgia and FND which affects my legs for 2.5 years. Some parts not being mobile. Some to being able to walk short distances. In October I lost my dad which was unexpected and I inherited his dog 2 days later. Since the age of 3 the dog has always been with a male owner. Whilst being in pain and having to take diazapam everyday, I walk her everyday and spend 23 hours with her as I cannot work. She wont toilet in the back garden. Which means more walks. A week after my dads funeral which was early November. My boyfriend changed, he would expect me to do all the house work, clean after him, I have to walk the dog constantly. I'm on the verge of snapping. I'm not sleeping very well and not eating well. This is the only connection to my dad I have left and the dog isn't going anywhere. I've told my partner that if he doesn't pull his wait he's going back to his mums. If I ask him to walk the dog if I'm in pain is "do I have to" he sits on the couch and he will ask me to get his phone whilst I'm downstairs, his vape will be right next to him and he will ask me to get it. If I ask him to do something I have to wait hours. I feel like I'm tolerating him at the moment it's only been 2 weeks since I've cremated my dad and a month since I've lost him. Never been good with handling my emotions. He will turn around to me and say "your at home all day". He will never open up to me. When he does it hits home. Please someone tell me what to do. The dog has more of a bond with him and I have to put in 100% more energy. When my partner doesn't come home it causes stress with the dog, it's all night and it keeps me awake when I speak to my partner about it he will say she will have to deal with it. Doesn't care about how I'm feeling. I force my self to walk her everyday for 2 hours. She is my priority.

Ditch the boyfriend, keep the dog.

Agree @RogueFemale

First post nailed it

Come on, you can't have a dog if you can't walk it and look after it completely by yourself and expect someone else to care for it. The best thing is to re-home it, it's an animal, it's not a substitute for your dad.

First post nailed it

I had one of those boyfriends. He wanted a servant or a mother figure pandering to him. Not a gf thats an equal amd soul mate. Dumped him and although I was a bit lonely my pets helped me a lot. Sorry for your loss. ❤️

Get rid of the bf
Contact the cinnamon trust for a volunteer dog walker and if they really can’t help try borrow my doggy
get some mental enrichment for dog - doesn’t need walking every 2 hours!

Didn't say I can't walk her I walk her for 2-3 hours a day sometimes at between 2-3am of my partner is living with me and expecting me to do everything. Not helping

You are going to have to try & train the dog to go in the garden. Can you put her on the lead & walk her around until she goes? Lots of praise & a high value food treat? Bits of cocktail sausage, cheese, toast, etc. Then continue when she goes in the garden on her own. Obviously keep up with 2 good walks a day when you can manage.

Start saying no to the boyfriend. Ideally get rid of him. He's treating you appallingly. Someone who loved you would not treat you like a servant. The dog will soon get used to it being just the 2 of you.

Sorry for your loss.

@YourAzureBear
Get rid of the BF and keep the dog.

I inherited my DM's dog when she passed, I work full time, hybrid luckily but the dog has really curbed my lifestyle so I understand how challenging it can be but add in your limitations and it's doubly hard.

Could I ask why you're walking the dog for 2-3 hrs, I mean this kindly.

My dog gets longer walks on a weekend when I have more time, weekdays it's 20 mins, I will say she is old and not as sprightly.

Could you split the walks up?

A couple of short walks a day rather than a 2-3 hour, I wouldn't be able to manage that and I'm physically fit.

Could you get him used to the garden, take a ball outside and play with him?

I think the dog is the least of your problems, ask yourself what your bf brings to your life, if its nothing but stress bin him off

Ditch the uncaring, unloving and disrespectful boyfriend and keep the dog.

Could you see a dog trainer for some advice ? Could you pay a dog walker ?
While the dog is causing some stress at the moment you’ll probably find that the boyfriend is causing double the amount of stress. You and the dog will manage without him.

What are you getting out of this relationship with him ? How is he benefitting your life ?

I don't walk 2-3 hours at once it's more of 4 30(minutes a day) she can go toilet. I've tried the garden completely scared of it not sure why. I tried everything to try and get her to wee out there

The dog will adapt, it's had a huge change in its life and it will get used to toileting in the garden and shorter walks. Your partner, on the other hand, is a lost cause and needs to go.

Seconded.

Sadly, some do, some don't, Some dogs will absolutely make themselves ill by refusing to do more than a wee in the garden.

This is true. But OP is taking the dog for walks (and is capable of doing so), so if the dog will at least wee in the garden then it's down to poo walks and fun walks rather than having to go out continuously to avoid puddles.

Why are you walking the dog in the middle of the night ? I don't understand your difficulties if you are able for the dog You have a boyfriend problem though he sounds horrendous you deserve better, throw him and his vape out.

She doesn't toilet in the back garden that's 1 & 2, in the early hours she will whine whine whine until she has a poo. She's an Akita their known for keeping areas they live in clean.

Oh ok, do you know what time she used to poo? She might need a later poo walk but not at 2 am. It also doesn't sound like you are coping with her and that is ok you might need a dog walker a few days a week or something, your useless abusive boyfriend isn't going to help you out he doesn't like you enough to help out im sorry to say.

I've only had her for a month and she's 8, she was always outside before I had her. I'm starting with short period in the garden so she can get used to it. I can't not let her go toilet it's unfair on her. Akitas are known to be very stubborn, and clean animals and sometimes the case of keeping their den clean including garden

So your dad had her outside

I don't think he sounds very nice but it is your dog now not his so if he doesn't want to help I don't think there's much you can do on that front. Not everyone likes dogs. You can definitely stop running around after your boyfriend though.

It seems to me it's every 6 hours. After she eats. I feed her at 8 am in the morning then 5pm at night. I don't know anything about her before I got her. I'm learning my self. I am coping to an extent I'm still grieving and she is too. My body has had an massive shock to the system. I feel like I'm getting judged I'm doing everything I can she part of my family she deserves love and so on

I see it as if he wants to live with me, then why cant he help me. He's had dogs before he loves the dog sadly won't do anything for her it's only when I ask

Because he is by what ive read hes taking advantage of you, he doesn't want to help.

Your boyfriend wants to live with you because it’s a nice easy life for him. All he has to do is click his fingers and you run to him with whatever he wants rather that telling him to get to fuck !

It’s incredibly stressful having someone like him around because on top of your own health issues you’re living with someone who can help but won’t. That’s a bit of a mind fuck too. It’s confusing for you and takes up your mental energy. After all, if someone loves you they want to help you and make your life easier for you right ? He’s doing none of that.

Get this useless person out of the equation and you’ll be in a better position to sort out yourself and the dog. He just gets in the way and is in it for himself.