Loss of relative being ignored.

[Whatdoyouthinkabout]

I very recently lost a much loved relative. It was a very difficult time leading up to their passing for them and for us.

I do feel traumatised by this expected but traumatic loss.

I have another relative, who is close to me that is refusing to acknowledge this loss due to their dislike of the person who has died.

Do I raise this with them? Or leave it? How would you manage the relationship moving forward?

WWYD?

I’m sorry for your loss. I think that grief is a very personal thing and whilst your feelings are entirely valid, theirs may be as well.

Don’t raise it with them.
Let them deal with their feelings in their own way.
And you should deal with yours separately.
If you want to maintain a relationship with this person, you need to accept that they’re processing different emotions

I was estranged from our father for 20+ years prior to his death. My sister was sporadically in touch with him. When he died my sister told me, I thanked her for that and we never spoke of his death again.

What good would raising this do? It wouldn't help your grief, and the person you seem to want to raise it with, wouldn't be helped, as far as I can see.

Maybe, and this is a shot in the dark, you just want to reminisce? If so, I'd suggest you find someone neutral to do it with and continue your relationship with the relative who is alive, in the same way you have in the past.

I’m sorry for your loss. It’s obviously a very difficult time and I hope you have people around you who are able to offer support and comfort.

the relative who isn’t conversing with you about the loss is dealing with it in their own way. Neither of you are wrong. It’s sad for you that their response is upsetting you. But not their fault or responsibility.

Again, I hope you are surrounded by love and care.

No I don’t want to reminisce at all as we don’t have anything to reminisce about.

They know my relative has died but they haven’t said anything to me about it. They just aren’t mentioning it at all despite me seeing them every day since.

Have you mentioned it or are you hoping they bring it up? I’m sorry for your loss

What are you hoping raising it would achieve?

What can someone say though, about someone they were estranged from who's died?

They aren't going to want to start slagging them off, and they don't have anything nice to say. So they say nothing. That's their prerogative.

It is a way of dealing with a death, though maybe not the one you'd choose in this instance.

I'm sorry for your loss x

I am sorry for your loss.

I am not sure what you want them to say. They were estranged from them so to them they were gone for a longtime.

They aren’t estranged.

They aren’t related.

They just don’t like them.

They are my parent. So I suppose I just want them to acknowledge that I have experienced a loss.

From experience, just don’t bother. A parent who behaves in this way is not going to change.
Let it go, they are what they are and they aren’t going to change.

You’re looking for support/acknowledgement to the wrong person, OP. Seek support in your grief elsewhere.

My mother grieved when her mother died. But her mother was also my grandmother, and I hated her and was pleased and relieved when she died. For the excellent reason that she was a dreadful, twisted, spiteful human being whom I’d never heard being nice to another living soul — but my mother thinks you love your parents, whatever they do. Obviously I didn’t tell her I was delighted her mother had died. That would have been cruel. But she was never going to get the response she wanted from me.

@FracasFracas How did you navigate that with your Mother though? Did you say nothing?

I get that. It’s so hard when your parents can’t see what the young child in their adult children still need. I’m sorry xx

I had this with my MIL. She passed very suddenly.

All my mother could say was “good.” (They didnt get on. Not much you can do really.