Db passed away

[Nomoreofthisplease56]

Hadn’t seen him for a few years due to his alcoholism. He was very unpleasant when drunk and blamed everyone else for his problems. There were happier times in the past though.
But 10 days ago after deteriorating quickly he died. I was there with him along with a few others family members.
I’m now really struggling. I had a few days off and am now back work and really struggling. The slightest additional stress is sending me into a complete mess. I don’t know what to do. Work clearly expect me to be working as normal.

So sorry for your loss.

Not everyone can go straight back to work after a traumatic event like this. Please go to your doctor. X

@RickertyRocker thank you. I have thought about it but am scared of the consequences. Because I took a few days off after he died, my manager seems to want me back to work as usual. I’m really disappointed with how I’ve been treated.

Your manager should be concerned about your wellbeing and business needs.

If your gp agrees you are unable to work, your employer will need to comply with their own policies.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

It's such difficult circumstances for you.

You are mourning his loss, but also maybe angry and frustrated at the unfulfilled life he led?

It's ok to recognise these conflicted emotions, but I think it makes your
bereavement so much more difficult to manage and I'm not surprised you are struggling.

You can't work as usual in these circumstances.
You need time to process your feelings.

Sod work.
Please see your GP and get signed off.

Take care x

You need to take the lead …don’t expect your manager to…just tell them you going off sick

I'm really sorry for your loss and the difficult relationship with him makes it more complicated for you. You are grieving and it's going to be non-linear, and that's ok. Please take time off if you need it. I speak from experience when I say burying and trying to ignore these emotions won't help in the long run.

@Pumpkinpuffin thanks. Yes all sorts of feelings going on and feel like I’ll break at the slightest amount of extra pressure. I’m really disappointed that my manager seems to think I can just get in with things and it’s been implied I’ve taken enough time off already.

I'm sorry about your DB, both for his death & his alcohol dependence and the affect it had on your relationship xx

Your manager is a twat. Do you have HR or a senior manager you could talk to?

If not, I'd just get GP to sign you off, you need to look after yourself! Work will cope, they'd have to if you got run over by a bus.

i hope you have support at home xx

Sorry for your loss.

@AutumnLeavesFallingFast thanks.
no it’s a small company so no hr.
some of the colleagues I work closely with haven’t even ask if I’m ok or even mentioned it 😢

So sorry OP. Yoj need to take charge of your own wellbeing. If you need time off ask the GP for a sick note and they may also prescribe something to help you cope.

@Andromed1 thdnk you, you’re right. I’ll see how the next few days go. I’m disappointed with how I’ve been treated. The office manager didn’t even ask how or was!

Bump

Sorry to hear this. Anniethesafeparent on instagram is a great resource for the loved ones of alcoholics and the complicated grief that is common when an alcoholic dies.

Your colleagues may not have lost a family member they care about and have no idea how it feels. There can be a strange disconnect at these times. Hope you have someone more understanding to talk to.