Constant illness since losing mum

[Mumadof3]

Hey everyone, hope you are all well? Well better than me anyway haha.
Wanted to see if others have the same experience after loss.
I lost my mum in Dec 24, so coming up to a year in a few weeks. I also got married in August 24 and was so lucky to have her there, however she was so poorly in the lead up and I didn't actually even know if she would make it. I was so ill on my wedding day and got married with laryngitis and then diagnosed with a chest infection after. It was an outdoor very short 25 quest wedding luckily with a night away. Then my mum passed and since then I've had problem after problem which I will list below for understanding and because it's just absolutely hilarious how much has happened since.
So mum passed then followed was.
Tooth absess within days horrible hell for weeks
Cholestitis (gallstones) and hospitalised day before the funeral, discharged for funeral chest iinfection again, 2 round antibiotics
Infected old belly button hole
Nova virus (passed out and all, hell)
Herpes over and over! Which has gone 10 year prior.
Colds over and over! Lost count
Infection after gallbladder removal surgery back in april and second round of cholestitis
Another chest infection
Infection In armpit, massive lumps! Breast scare but just bacterial
Acid reflux
Bad bowles
Constant migrants (always a thing tbh) and fatigue
ear condition with fullness ect doc said something to do with middle ear fluid ?
I'm sure I've forgottentother things!
Now though I've just gotten over a chest infection again, more antibiotics 10 days ago I finished those and now I feel I'm ill with something again and have a rash all over chest, back and arms! Super itchy and my eyes got bad too but resolved. My skins always feeling inflamed and my acne is a joke.
We moved also 2 months ago which was so stressful but also a blessing to get out of the house with memories torturing me about my mum.

Anyway what on earth ? Is this normal for grief? Any light from people that can tell me this is all going to stop as I've honestly had enough! I keep thinking after the first year will all this get better ? I'm 32 and feel like a bloody old lady! How long for others immune system to sort itself out ? And any advice I will gladly take if anyone has any. I'm already taking a nice amount of vitamins. Antidepressants are not an option and I already have a diagnosed mental illness which is stable and treated.
Any other magic potions? Lol

So sorry op for your experience. I’d like to suggest it’s not necessarily normal for grief but certainly possible. Are there other ways in life in which you feel under pressure? Eg sibling stress, work pressure, relationship issue, fertility or finance issue? Extra pressures whilst your body’s struggling with grief could be enough to weaken your immunity.

Hey Thanks for the response, sorry for delay in reply. I've now got tonsillitis, seriously couldn't even make this up.. besides the stress of losing my mum I have got other stressors yes, 14 year old has bad mental health issues, we have moved house which I'm sure most would agree is pretty stressful, although that was in September, family issues yes too unfortunately with my dad and step mum which im trying to resolve and was the last thing needed with the loss of my mum. Also my marriage has taken a pretty big hit which we have never really had issues in our 10 years together. I'm not working currently which I feel is definitely a stress on my self esteem although I'm sure many would disagree with that. Maybe I have alot on and it can explain it all ?

I now habe tonsillitis:( I'm really hoping someone is going to come along to this thread and tell me they was the exact sane after a significant loss, and it got better ? Anyone ?

I lost Mum in March and I've been on and off poorly ever since.

I've always had a good immune system but this year I'm catching everything and am so run down.

So no advice, but you're not alone. I hope you feel better soon.

Sorry to hear of both your loss and feeling poorly! However yes glad to hear it isn't just me.
I've gotten over the tonsillitis I think nut now have a massive swollen uvula! It never ends and I'm miserable. One year anniversary today. It's not been as bad as I thought so far. What do the doctors say about all your illness then ? Or have you not been ? I've only been to the ones that I know actually need treatment, after second guessing myself for days to not be a hypochondriac, as surely not one person gets this many bugs lol

I think it’s very common to get every infection etc going when you’ve been bereaved - it’s another horrific side effect of grief, when you’re rundown and the initial adrenaline has subsided. Not to go into details but I lost Mum 4 months ago and haven’t been well for the past month; I need to somehow get through Christmas and January/February (stuff going on) and then things might calm (and I might feel better). I’m very much a ‘get on with it’ person, so this has flattened me. No advice, but just support.

Sorry for your loss!
I had the first year anniversary yesterday. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I think the first months are just a blur. I got on with the initially too then her birthday in July floored me.

You've lost your mum, moved house, and got married, all in a very short time. Two of these are major negati e stresses in life. Weddings are stressful, too, and you had the added stress of your dear mum being very ill.

So yes, in the circumstances, I'd say being constantly ill is a normal, if not regular, reaction.

I know you have more stress in the here and now, but please try and give yourself a break. You don't want to end up with a chronic illness.

❤️❤️❤️

Thank you so much for yours words. Im going to hopefully take it easy over Xmas and myself and kids have started our Xmas holidays a few days early.
Hoping in the new year all will be better.
I agree with all you said though and after some reddit research (couldn't find much on mumsnet) it seem quite a common story after loss.
Wedding was awful! I had layrnygitis for that followedby a chest infection! Haha. I whispered my vows, honestly couldn't even make it up! Thanks again

I'm so sorry... this happened to me as well after losing my mum. I picked up every cold going, every virus, I constantly had coughs that would turn into chest infections and require antibiotics. I had gastritis and a lot of scans and investigations for various symptoms. It was absolutely awful and I really sympathise.

Sorry to hear yiu had the same. Its awful especially when being poorly makes alot of us want our mums even more. Im assuming you got better after this though ? Its just been a year and im hoping I the new year, especially from spring I will stop getting everything

Yes, I feel I really needed her to look after me and support me, so it added an extra layer of hell! The bad health lasted for over a year for me, and I’m still having some health problems now. My mum’s death was a huge shock, and I think I went into a shock response of some sort, which affected my immunity. I haven’t really heard of it happening to other people, so I read this thread with interest.

If you keep getting colds it might be worth trying Vicks First Defence which is a gel you put into your nostrils which inactivates viruses. I found out about it a few months ago and I use it before mixing in crowds, using public transport, going to the doctors etc. I haven’t had a cold still I started using it, although that could be coincidence.

Have you had your iron levels checked?

I've also been using vicks first defence and So far so good im sure.
I've had many blood tests because I already had a few health issues before she passed that I have to keep in check with by havjng frequent bloods done.
My inflammation levels and white blood cells all raised in the first 6 months! I also found it pretty interesting what the body does.
Im still in shock I think like you describe, I get on with my day more so now but moments of realisation honeslty take my breath away. Last night for example had me unable to sleep becuase I was thinking of her so much. Its like that feeling I think we all first experience as a child, of wanting so much to change something and it being all consuming. I wasn't with her when she passed and it haunts me thinking about what it was like for her, if she was scared or why she didn't ask for myself or my brother. It sucks doesn't it? we just can't change it though. I don't think anything will ever compare tp losing her, even losing someone else i think in that moment I will still be crying out for her to support me through that loss? Like if i lost my partner i would want and miss them but i would also want my mum, If that makes sense. Mums are for most of us our everything. I try to imagine her strength and voice, the first week her voice was in my head constantly, "keep going darling" " it's oka you've got this and im with you". It was a huge comfort.
Sorry to hear of your continued health problems, I hope you are getting those looked into?

@Mumadof3

Vicks First Defence seems like a really good product - I wish I’d found out about it sooner!

I do have low ferritin and I think that worsened with mum’s death as I struggled to eat for a while. I’m on iron now and it’s improving very very slowly.

I know what you mean about the grief taking your breath away. I’ve had the same, and I had flashbacks to when mum had terminal agitation as she was dying. I even collapsed having flashbacks, it was just horrendous, the whole thing. A decent mother is totally irreplaceable and the feeling of never again getting that unconditional love from anyone is a really horrible feeling. I’m also quite jealous of people in their 60s and even 70s who still have their mums alive and well. I thought that would be me.
I talk to my mum most days, especially in the car when I’m on my own and can talk out loud. I tell her everything, ask her for advice. That really helps, because that urge to pick the phone up and tell her things is a strong urge. I just hop in the car alone now and tell her things that way instead! But it’s just so hard and it feels really unfair.