Physical symtoms of grief.

[Worried19865]

Hi folks,
My first post in this section and I'm so sorry for anyone here suffering and grieving.
My best friend passed away 3 weeks ago, was very sudden even though they had been sick!
At the time I went through the motions, did what we had to do and yes I cried but I didn't take it as badly as I thought I would, I've just been feeling completely numb ever since, like I'm disassociating, it hasn't happened, even though I know it has.
My problem is I've been experiencing very real physical symtoms, I've had a tickly cough that won't go away (should say I had a cold just before they passed) sore throat, tmi but constantly swallowing mucus and bowel changes, lump feeling in my throat, just generally unwell, to the point my doctor has referred me for some investigation.
I feel beyond anxious and stressed about the whole thing and I'm wondering could these things be happening or made worse by grief? I feel that because my brain has maybe mentally shut off from the pain maybe internally my body is suffering instead? Many thanks for anyone that can help me.

When my DD died I ended up vomiting when I tried to eat, it wasn’t intentional. Dr said it was a response and my diaphragm was tightening. I lost 2 stone rapidly, I only weighed 9 stone to start with. I had issues with a sore throat as well and had huge issues trying to swallow. I ended up living off soup and milkshakes.

It will totally be grief. I’m sorry for your loss.

It could also be that your grief has affected your immune system. I'm sorry for your loss.

Thank you @ViciousCurrentBun. I'm so sorry for your loss. It also happens to be our daughters anniversary this week also which has probably made the symptoms worse also. The sore throat and coughing has also meant I have a hoarse voice on and off too. I've also lost 4lb this week without trying although I know I've not eaten much. It's just awful and it just feels like the symtoms will never stop. Doctor wants to make sure it's nothing sinister as I've had heartburn trouble in the past and whilst my rationale brain is telling me it will be fine but my anxiety is telling me is gonna be something terrible like my friend and I'm going to end up leaving my children who are grieving my friend also and make their life unbearable if they lose me too!! I know how dramatic that sounds but that's my brain, I hate it.

Thank you @Needtosoundoffandbreathe it definitely feels like it could be that. My immune system didn't recover from a bad flu/covid in september and I've had ongoing problems since and I feel they just got worse. I know I've done the right thing going to doc and told her everything so hopefully things will settle soon.

I'm so very sorry for your loss @Worried19865

The physical symptoms of grief are something that is rarely talked about but they are very, very real. After a recent bereavement I lost a stone and was skin and bone. All my life I wanted to be slimmer but now I just associate thin with grief. I do genuinely think that your body feels the pain as much as your heart and mind. You can literally be sick with grief.

In my experience sudden loss is a special kind of pain and is harder to deal with. You have to deal with the shock as well as the loss. We become alert to danger everywhere in a way we just didn't see it before.

When I was in your situation I went to my GP hoping he would be able to give me something to help. I was determined to be strong but the moment I sat in his chair I just burst into tears. Just bursting the bubble helped. He was so kind and recommended acupuncture. Talking to him and the acupuncture really helped the pent up pain and symptoms dissipate. I don't know if this would help you - but I bet talking about it all to someone would.

Please do try not to worry. Just really look after yourself, try to rest, try to eat nourishing food, take little steps forward when you are ready and steadily you will get a balance back in your body and your heart.

Oh, I meant to say, these people are incredibly helpful https://www.cruse.org.uk/

Thank you so much @SeaAndStars. There is so much truth in everything you have said. It was so much of a shock and I never got to see my friend to say goodbye, didn't think it had affected me that much but starting to think different now.
I will actually look into acupuncture and see if there is someone near me, it definitely might help. I'm willing to try anything, first step is admitting to myself I'm not ok and realising I need help. It's actually helped writing this thread as I've had a cry, something I've found difficult to do.
I will also look up Cruse.
I'm so sorry for your recent bereavement also. Thank you for being kind.

I'm glad I found this. I lost my mum in August and for the first month or so was managing and organised the funeral etc. I was just so busy but shortly after that I developed widespread pain that has not gone away. It's like every muscle in my body has seized up. I ache all day. My shoulders are so painful. All of that has flared my health anxiety and I'm so worried about it all especially since my mum died of a neurological disease. I've been to an osteopath and the GP has referred me to physio though the wait will be long. I realise that the grief could be to blame but I just feel like I've been hit my a train. It's especially upsetting because I feel like it's actually getting in the way of trying to grieve freely and process the loss. Yes physical symptoms are very real as far as I'm concerned.

Not a bereavement, but when my marriage ended very abruptly (it felt a bit like a bereavement looking back), I just couldn’t eat without vomiting. It lasted months and I lost loads of weight. It was like my body just rejected food. I do think our bodies give us signs when our minds can’t cope with the pain. Look after yourself. I’m sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry for your loss OP

It stands to reason that if intense grief can change the heart muscle temporarily (broken heart syndrome is an actual physical thing) then it can affect your body physically in other ways. It's a massive shock to the body and the body reacts.

I don't know the answers but be kind to yourself and talk to someone if that sort of thing helps.

I lost my husband suddenly when we were in our twenties. I was devastated and totally fell apart. I couldn’t eat it was like chewing cotton wool and also experienced random numbness in different parts of my body. So weird. Sometimes I found it difficult to walk because I couldn’t balance 🤷🏻‍♀️. All the symptoms gradually wore off as years went by.

I'm so sorry about your lovely mum @Dontbeaneejit totally could be grief also! It's awful how it makes you feel, I agree in that I feel like I'm spending so much time thinking about my physical symptoms I can't grief mentally!! My health anxiety is through the roof, I've never been this bad before and I hate it!

Hi @Elektra1 I'm sorry you've been through an awful time also. Definitely feel my body is reacting because my mind won't let me deal with it!! I would far rather feel upset and crying all the time that suffer like this, hyperaware of every pain, ache etc wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Thank you @gamerchick ❤️

So sorry you lost your husband @Pixiedust49 I can't imagine how difficult that has been especially so young. Grief is an awful thing for us all, I'm just amazed at how it manifests, the physical side of it isn't talked about enough.

Thank you all for your replies, nice to not feel alone.

I had exactly that after my dad died OP. I would cough and cough until I vomited.
I came to realise it was because the back of my throat was so tense. I wasn’t sleeping and was just grief stricken. It did pass over time and it definitely helped when I realised what it was and could actively try and relax my throat/pharynx.

I'm so sorry you lost your dad @purplecyclamen. It's scary because the symptoms are so real and it hard to know what's grief and what's actually illness that maybe needs looked about. Thankfully I had a few tests this week and ruled out anything serious, doctor told me grief can absolutely wreck havoc with your gut and digestive system.

My df died 3 months ago. Df and dm had been separated for 40 years but my dm is complaining of a tight chest every day since the funeral.
The gp has given antibiotics and she has an inhaler .
I’m sure It’s a physical reaction to df dying as she never cried at the time and seemed quite blasé.

Ahh bless her @figcherry. It's quite possibly taking its toll on her. So sorry for your loss, hope you are OK too. Grief is awful! Such a roller coaster of emotions. I just feel all over the place constantly.

I lost my sister to cancer 6 weeks ago and have had a racing heart/anxiety ever since. I've also been quite forgetful and still can't talk about her without crying. I went to the doctors this week and she said it's quite a normal part of grieving. However, she's ordered blood tests and an ECG as well as referring me for grief counselling.
Sending my condolences to everyone who's going through the same thing. It's bloody hard.

I had this but in my arms. I honestly thought I had had a stroke. I found it hard to hold things because I thought I was going to drop them, it honestly felt like a sudden 'overwhelm' would come over me, I would get pins and needles and instantly have to put down what I was holding. Mine started in 2019 and has got a lot better, but when I am under heavy stress I do get a mild recurrence. I really sympathise as it totally scared me. I also vomited every single day in the shower for the month after. Mine was not a bereavement, but the closest thing to it.

@Oblahdeeoblahdoe I'm so so sorry about your sister. My friend also had cancer but it just all happened so quick in the end. Was no time to say goodbye. I just miss her beyond words! I can't believe I'm never going to see her or talk to her again! I'm starting counselling also soon, parts of me feels I'm totally over reacting and that I need to pull myself together and the other part doesn't know how to handle this at all.

@arlanymor that sounds an awful experience also. Even worse when stress brings all those feelings back too. It's totally scary! So sorry you had a situation that made you feel this way.

Thanks lovely, I really don't recommend it! I have never in my life had anything like it - and the fact it took so long to diminish petrified me too. And who do you really even tell about it? How do you explain it? But luckily now it is rare, once every six months or so. Thanks for your kindness. I'm so much better now. 💛