How to support dc when grandparent is dying

[elliejjtiny]

GP is very frail and very old (late 90's). Always very active but has been struggling a lot for past 5-6 months or so and getting very frustrated with it. Now diagnosed with cancer and given less than a year to live. Realistically, I think nothing has really changed and they probably didn't have long to live before this diagnosis. But of course family are devastated. I have mixed feelings and feel guilty about them because I love them so much and don't want them to go but at the same time they are suffering and I would much rather they went and end this awful time for them. Everyone else in the family is just talking about this awful news like it's a 100% bad thing.

The dc know but some of their cousins don't. They have all reacted in different ways but my 12 year old in particular is very upset. I think he thought grandparent was going to live forever, although we have talked to the dc as grandparent has become more frail to prepare them that they are going to go sooner rather than later. I don't know if we are doing the right thing or not. Dc are aged between 11 and 19.

So sorry to hear of this. I am in a similar position although my Mum is 79 and we have been told 3-6 months. I haven't yet told my children 11 and 14 of her prognosis so interested in responses. Some people have advised preparing them sooner but while she is still reasonably well I want us all to enjoy the happy visits. Sorry again for all you are going through.

When we were going through that stage, my 2 male DC were both different, one wanted to know everything, the other didn’t even want to think about it, one wanted to visit GP in hospital, whilst the other wouldn’t go, so we made sure they both knew they could ask what they wanted and I would also keep them up to date with what was happening. In all cases of loss though, we’ve told them life goes on and although it’s upsetting, the grandparents wouldn’t want them to be sad and always wanted them to be themselves. They did get frustrated that to them, it appeared that GP seem to loose the Will to live, again, all we could do was to be honest and say, it was their choice. Myself, I tried to not get upset in front of DC and when I could feel this coming on, I would leave the room, although they did see me cry and we would all cry together.

Personally I think it's better to explain the truth as even as a child it gives you time to process it. The worst thing is losing a loved one unexpectedly when you could have had the chance to know a while beforehand. Xxx