What death made you grow up?

[OneUmberJoker]

A friend when I was 14 , had to grow up and give speeches at his funeral.

My lovely great aunt. It was the first time I saw my DF cry. I was around 14 at the time too.

My bf we where 16.

My partner, I was 31 and 5 months pregnant

My mum. I was only 21 and had to do all the funeral arrangements.

My dad when I was 37. Probably should’ve grown up earlier, but better late than never.

I'm not sure it made me grow up or just grow inward with fear and grief but I think I'd be a different person (not regretting, I just sometimes wonder) if my two friends hadn't been murdered. They were 11. I'd just turned 12.

My dad, I was about 18/19. I had to do all the coroner admin, funeral arrangements and general paperwork as my mum seemed to just freeze up and couldn’t deal with it all. They’d recently separated so I had to sort out selling his house as well and looking back I wonder wtf she and his family were thinking, letting such a young person handle all that. It really fucked me up (as well as grew me up) actually.

My dad when I was 19. I couldn’t give a speech at his funeral though. The celebrant did all of it.

My best friends 3 days before my 21st birthday. Never forgotten it and it made me realise how short life is sadly.

My dad when I was 28. We weren’t close but I was next of kin so had to do everything post death.

My mum when I was 5. Though 40ish years later, I don’t think I have really grown up at all. I’m still that little girl grieving for her mother.

My sister when I was 16, she was almost 3.

God these are all so sad, my heart goes out to all of you. Life can be so cruel sometimes.

Brothers suicide when I was a teen, actually I think the reverse happened, it stopped me growing up. I still feel stuck at that age mentally almost.

3 weeks ago when my Dad died. I’m 48. Mum died a few years ago and I had to be the grown up then. But this one has realised that I have no safety net now and if there are hard decisions to make, it’s up to me.

thats really weird and terrifying

Grandma at 17 and mum at 22. Felt like a very short time space to lose the only people who spoke and knew me in my family. I've been alone ever since and no one remembers the past.

My Mum. I was 8. She was 28.

Same.

3 significant deaths all made me grow up in different ways.
1st was my Nan, when I was 8/9yrs old. We were very close and I feel like her death signalled the end of my childhood. There was a huge loss of innocence for me.
2nd - I was 29 and still living with my parents when my Mum died. Looking back i think we were extremely codependent. That's when I felt adulthood hit me, within 6 months I moved out and started my own family.
3rd - My Dad passed away earlier this year when I was nearly 39, closely followed by the death of my best friend. I don't have siblings and now my only family is my daughter. The burden of dealing with Dad's terminal illness, then his estate, whilst trying to parent a grieving 7yr old, and also feeling quite isolated due to the death of my friend, has left me feeling very old in comparison to acquaintances in my age group.

My sister when I was 17 and she was 18. I still remember the howl my mum gave when she was told. It was a car crash and the police came to tell us.

When I found out (accidentally) at the age of about 6 that I was a twin whose sister had died at birth. My mum and dad chose not to tell me and it was such an overwhelming feeling. Very closely followed by my uncle who died in a well known national disaster where the press where massively intrusively involved in all deaths and survivors.

My sister died when I was 20 and she was late 20s.

I remember hearing both of my parents sobbing together a day or two later, and it was at that moment I felt very vulnerable, as I had never witnessed both parents so distraught at the same time (if at all). But I had a strong sense that I had to be look after them when the waves of grief would inevitably hit them hard. We all looked after each other, but it was the first time I felt that I had properly matured.

I changed a lot after my sister passed away.

Same ...I was 12 months old. I have never really got beyond it

My friend dying in a car crash on the way to my house when we were 20. No mobile phones back then and no answer on his landline and my annoyance at his lateness quickly turned to concern then panic. I even rang round hospitals. Around midnight his dad rang to say he’d died shortly after setting off to mine. Devastating, I lost my carefree life that night.

Older brother when I was nearly 4, DH when I was 37 and DC were 5 and 7.