Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My DH would have been 39 today

54 replies

Izabella · 06/06/2008 21:27

Hi everyone,

I've not posted in this area of MN so far but felt like I needed to come here today. My lovely husband died 3 years ago of a brain tumour and not a day goes by when I do not think about him or wonder what life would be like if he were still alive. My one regret is that he never got to meet his daughter, although I am sure he does know about her.

My husband was a kind, compassionate person with a great sense of humour and a passion for living life to the full. Many friends and even some family members just don't make mention of his birthday anymore but I want to celebrate his life, especially today.

Thanks for giving me the chance to do this here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Izabella · 06/06/2008 23:17

Yorkiegirl, yes I am a member of WAY and try to get to events whenever I can get a sitter. I am so sorry that you have had to walk this hard road as well. There is no consolation but I'm glad that you're finding the support you need from other WAY members. xxx

OP posts:
triplets · 06/06/2008 23:19

Izabella, how very sweet of you. Life is so hard isn`t it, my own Dh was diagnosed with cancer 2 months ago

ShinyPinkShoes · 06/06/2008 23:20

Izabella you and I don't know one another, but I can tell by your posts just what a wonderful Mummy you are.

He is sure to be smiling down at you, feeling so incredibly proud of you.

I lost my Dad to a brain tumour 11 years ago- the anniversary is next Wednesday and as the years go by it really doesn't get any easier does it?

I feel very thankful though as I still have such a strong sense of him watching over me. I too wonder what life would be like if he was still around.

I think it's lovely that you want to celebrate his life. My siblings and I always take Dad's 2 best friends out for a drink on his birthday each year

triplets · 06/06/2008 23:21

SPS that is really a lovely thing to do xx

Waytmi · 06/06/2008 23:22

Hi Izabella, I'm sorry to hear about your DH & pleased you were able to remember him with your DD. xx

dippymother · 06/06/2008 23:23

Izabella, I am so sorry for your loss. Happy birthday to your DH, hope today has been special.

AitchTwoCiao · 06/06/2008 23:25

i'm glad that you feel he knows your daughter, that's so beautiful and precious. what a lovely tribute you have paid today.

bellabelly · 06/06/2008 23:25

Izabella, I bet your DH is so proud of you, what a shame he never got to meet his daughter but he is with you both every day.

ShinyPinkShoes · 06/06/2008 23:26

Thanks triplets- I have to say they love it.

We all sit around in a pub garden chatting about Dad. They always tell the same stories about him which is part of the magic in a way- I love looking around the table seeing my brother's faces light up as they hear them for the 8th time.

I nursed my Dad through the last 13 weeks of his life- so it's great ( as you say Izabella) to be able to remember the 'healthy' him.

He died far, far too young too

missorinoco · 06/06/2008 23:29

Raising a glass to your dh, and to you and your little girl today. x

CristinaTheAstonishing · 06/06/2008 23:30

Hi Izabella - it's sad that you and your daughter can't celebrate your DH's birthday with him. It feels very lonely on occasions like this.

helenelisabeth · 06/06/2008 23:31

I am so sorry for your loss, my DH is 36 and although we have our problems, if I was to lose him, I would be suicidal. Much love to you and your family. Makes you appreciate that any problems you have are inconsequential to grief.

Original poster
Izabella · 06/06/2008 23:34

SPS, I love the fact that you celebrate every anniversary with those your Dad loved the most, sharing stories and memories. That's what I want this day to be for my DD as she grows up, although we talk about Daddy everyday. I will be thinking of you on Wednesday.

Triplets, I often think of you & your Dh as I read OJ's thread. How is he doing? How are you, hun?

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 06/06/2008 23:35

Izabella, this thread is a lovely way to mark your DHs' birthday, and to celebrate his life.
Thinking of you and your DD.

AbbeyA · 06/06/2008 23:40

My very best wishes, I do understand, my first husband died when he was 29 and our son was a baby. I still think of him and his birthday is still a special day for me, even though I am happily remarried with more children. You always keep your happy memories.

SalVolatile · 06/06/2008 23:40

Izabella, happy birthday to Mark, and thank you for being able to give such understanding support to OJ when it must stir such dreadful memories at times......

SNoraWotzThat · 06/06/2008 23:43

Hi Izabella
What a lovely post, my father died he was a similar age to your husband. To speak about him and share moments is a lovely thing to do for you and for you to do with your dd.

Thinking of you.

assdoc · 06/06/2008 23:48

My lovley DH would be 44 tomorrow.

That quote from Anthony & Cleopatra "age shall not wither her/(him)" springs to mind on his birthdays. It's impossible to imagine him as a 44 year old, he will forever be 32 in my head. In his prime. Beautiful man.

It's very hard isn't it Izabella when other can't or don't share your grief. People seem to think you move on and forget. Very recently my SIL was talking about a friend who lost a loved one 2 years ago and was still struggling with grief. I think it put things into perspective for her when I burst into tears and cried for DH. It may be 12 years ago but the pain never goes does it. We just learn to live with it.

hertsnessex · 06/06/2008 23:52

happy birthday to your DH izabella xx

MarsLady · 06/06/2008 23:54

I'm sorry for your loss. He sounds like a wonderful man!

SNoraWotzThat · 07/06/2008 00:00

My mother has lived with it for over 30 years. They were and madly in love. I was a very lucky child in a very happy home, that I am thankful for.

She, we (me and my sister) find it hard to talk without getting upset, even today - as you say, assdoc, 12 years later and bursting into tears. I do feel for you both.

I wish me and my mother had talked about him more when I was smaller, it would have helped us all so much more, even though it was so hard for her.

I would say to anyone, don't be afraid of upsetting your child, and for them to see you in tears. They know how much you are hurting, your grief helps theirs. It is better to talk, than not to talk at all. Better to share the memories then let them fade away. Talk and remember their life and laugh and enjoy the things that made you love them so much.

I hope that doesn't sound OTT, it is from my heart.

Quattrocento · 07/06/2008 00:20

A lovely post to celebrate your husband. Thank you for posting. Sending you love and best wishes.

trulymadlydeeply · 07/06/2008 19:42

I've only just read this.

I'll raise a glass to Mark tonight if that's OK, Izabella; and to all those of you who have lost someone close, lots of love,

xxx

wonderwomanakaeandh · 07/06/2008 19:47

I've just seen this and shall also raise a glass to Mark, Izabella blowing her daddys candle out sounds perfect (hugs)

mumonthenet · 08/06/2008 19:35

Izabella, your thread has prompted me to take some flowers to the mum of my dd's(12) friend. She lost her dh very suddenly just before Christmas and it's his birthday on Tuesday, (dd's friend told her that - otherwise I wouldn't have known)

Will also raise a glass to your Mark's birthday.

Lots of love.