New poster. My mum is dying.

[KatherineE]

I view reading Mumsnet threads as part of my daily life. Admittedly I enjoy scoffing at those I disagree with and feeling validated by people I want to champion. All fun and frivolous. Today though I'm searching the bereavement threads looking for comfort. I don't really know what I'm hoping to find.
It's hard to talk to your friends and family about hardship when you are 44 - literally everyone has shit they are dealing with!
I am the only daughter of a single woman who is dying. My dad died many years ago. It feels lonely.
I have a husband who works away and children to care for. I say this for context rather than sympathy.
I am fortunate in that I do not have to panic about money - a privilege I am acutely aware of. It's expensive to have a poorly relative. I will likely give up my job - I have guilt about the fact the I love my job and am so sad that I have to do this. I've worked hard to get to a senior position. I will never regret it though.
I am juggling a lot and doing it willingly. I'm just really really tired. I go from hospital to work to kids to husband to hospital to work and on and on... I'm a really positive person - I know I'm lucky and have so many things to be thankful for. I'm just going to miss my mum.

Really sorry to hear this. Been in a similar position, it’s shit

There isn’t anything anyone can do or say to make it easier tbh…..the only thing I can suggest on a sort of long-term level is try not to have any regrets. Do what you need to do now, everything else can wait, just concentrate on what you have to x

Thank you so much

OP I'm so sorry. I know it's not much help but I can truly empathise with what you're going through. I was in a very similar situation at about the same age as you. I do have a sibling but as they visited once in a blue moon and didn't help, I was on my own. DH was sympathetic but worked away a lot. My job was part time but I thought I'd have to give it up.
I don't know what the answer is, it's just important for you to try to get enough sleep. Eat properly. Find a shoulder to offload onto and accept any offer of help. If people ask if they can do anything, ask them to get some shopping or something that gives you a bit more time to yourself.
Of course you will miss your mum terribly, but you'll look back and see that you did everything you could for your mum and I'm sure she appreciates having a daughter like you.

Thank you so much for your kindness.
I'm working hard to keep myself strong - the strategy of putting your own oxygen mask on first is something of a mantra now. I force myself to eat. Sleeping is harder. I have so many people depending on me to be resilient. I will be, no doubt. I guess I just needed a place to say out loud that I'm struggling.a bit.
What a kind community this is.

I am so very sorry. I went through this a couple of years ago and it bloody sucks. Trying to keep going with everyday life, kids, work, dogs, house and trying to take care of my Dad was brutal. But apparently I am 'the strong one' so had to get through it all and be brave. But inside it was killing me and I was struggling.

I lost my appetite and didn't sleep much and the feelings of dread at losing my Mum settled in the pit of my stomach making me feel quite ill at times.

I second what a PP said in that just make sure you have no regrets where your Mum is concerned. You cannot go back and and change things, there are no second chances. And be kind to yourself as much as you can.

Losing my Mum is one of the most devastating things that has happened to me. She was my World, along with my DH and kids, she was everything. I miss her terribly, constantly and that will never go away.

One day you will look back and think of your Mum and feel nothing but gratitude that SHE was YOUR mum. That you had those times with her and you had her for as long as you did (even though it will somehow never feel like enough)

Sending hugs

I’m so sorry OP - I dread the day I will be in your position. Could you ask your work if they would consider a leave of absence or sabbatical? Just a thought as you love it. Take care x

hello I’m not there yet but my parents are 95 and 93 so it won’t be long. You sound like a wonderful daughter doing all that you can. Please look after yourself well so that you have enough in the tank when you need it. Sending you strength and courage x

You can only do so much and you need to look after yourself too. You know the put your oxygen mask on first before helping others: that is what you need to do. It’s ok to say to people that you are struggling at times, you are not Superwoman.

Have you been given a prognosis re your mother?.

I would absolutely reconsider giving up your job and infact I would advise you not to do this. Can you indeed take a leave of absence or a sabbatical instead?.

No words of advice but wanted to send you my best wishes. Take care of yourself OP

No words of advice but wanted to send you my best wishes. Take care of yourself OP