Friend's funeral - should my kids attend

[Mamamiapia]

My friend's funeral is this week. Our kids have spent time together during the time we have know each other and they get on very well. We have supported the family before her passing, helping with school run etc. My kids are 13 and 15 and wondering if they should come to the funeral to be there for friends' kids. Is this going to help them in any way? I have no idea what would be best in this situation.

I think they are certainly old enough to go to a funeral, and the family may appreciate them going. Are they aware what a funeral service is like? Could they go to the wake but not the service? Or could you stay near the back, so if they find it too much, you could leave the service?

Unfortunately this will be a very it depends question because it's so cultural
In my Dp's culture everybody would go, and small children would attend

It wouldn't be expected where I'm from

I’m not sure you can expect a 15 and 13 year old to be there for your friend’s kids. I think that is putting way too much expectation on your children, particularly if they have no experience of grief themselves - do they? Sorry the way you have written your post makes me recoil a bit - even though I am sure it is meant with good intent.

I'd say if they want to be there, they definitely should. It could be a comfort to your friend's kids and they'll be glad they went when they look back on it. So sorry for the loss of your friend 💐

At 13 and 15 they’re not young children and are certainly old enough to go to a funeral, so I’d be taking their lead on this.

If they want to go, then they should. If they don’t, I wouldn’t make them.

A lot of 15 year olds, in particular, would want to be there for their friends.

I'm sorry for your loss 💐

It's a very personal decision, and lots of other factors to consider. My 8 year old came to my Grandpa's funeral because he wanted to, my 6 years old didn't because it was too much for her. When I was 7, my Dad's best friend died and I went to the funeral because I wanted to be with my friend (his daughter) so she was so sad. Speak to your children and see how they feel about it. At those ages, it's entirely appropriate for them to go if they want to.

At 13 and 15 I’d let them decide. I went to a funeral at a similar age to support a friend at that age and it was fine. What have your kids said?

Sure. What’s your worry precisely? If your kids are ok with it then take them.

At 13 and 15 it's absolutely fine for them to attend, if they want to. If they know then well, your friend's children well almost certainly appreciate them being there.

My friend's children were 11 and 13 when their father died, and there were other children of that age attending the funeral with their parents.

It will depend on you. For us, it was the right thing for the children to go (and there were quite a few other children there too).

This was two separate funerals. Both school friend’s parents, The first our daughter was 12. The second my older daughter was 13 and younger daughter was 11 (the apprentice who died had two children and her children were in my girls’ classes).

They were tremendously sad occasions. But for the bereaved children, at both wakes, the went off with their friends.

Are your friend's children definitely going? If so I would give your children the choice.

sorry for your loss. Yes i’d take them along to the funeral.