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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

3 years today since my Nana died

15 replies

NotABanana · 03/06/2008 07:23

I can't believe so much time has gone by.

It must be that long as I was 10 days off having my baby and he is about to be three.

I miss her so much.

OP posts:

wotulookinat · 03/06/2008 08:17

NAB, you have my sympathies.

RedFraggle · 03/06/2008 08:33

I'm so sorry NAB. Try to have a few minutes to yourself to sit and think over how much she meant to you - a little moment to be thankful of all the good times you had. I do this when I feel sad about my Grandad (who died 12 years ago now - still makes me cry sometimes though....) and it does help a little.

Original poster

NotABanana · 03/06/2008 13:13

Thank you.

Such mixed feelings. Was so happy baby was coming and so sad she was dying. At least she knew we were having a boy and what we were calling him.

OP posts:

queenrollo · 04/06/2008 09:18

NAB.....on Friday it would have been my Gran's 87th birthday. It will be three years in September since she died, and my son was 8 weeks old at the time. I was incredibly close to my Gran, she brought me up until i was three and there was an amazing bond between us. I hadn't had time to go and see her (life with a new baby was hectic) and as soon as mum told me she'd been taken into hospital i knew the end was near. I took ds to the hospital so she could meet him, but she was too weak to hold him. This causes me a lot of pain, and i'm also very sad that i have no photos of them together.
Very few people i have met can understand the closeness there was between us, and i still cry and feel great pain at not having her here to share in the joy of my son, and when i split with my partner last year i really missed having her around to just hold me and tell me everything would be ok.
I keep telling myself that time will ease the pain i feel, but it hasn't yet

Original poster

NotABanana · 04/06/2008 09:32

Sympathies to you queenrollo.

I don't have any other family so my nana was it. I feel so guilty that I was at the park with the kids when she died. I wasn't allowed to travel the 300+ miles to see her and last spoke to her 2 days before she died. I could barely understand her tbh.

Grandparents are so important and I think underrated and neglected at times.

OP posts:

queenrollo · 04/06/2008 10:03

my mum has a big family, and a lot of them were with my gran when she died. My mum wasn't and she felt bad about it until i pointed out what she was doing when gran passed........she was sat on my sofa cuddling her first grandchild, and i think that was a great comfort to her.
I've had three grans, my stepdad's mum was a wonderful woman too and she died several years ago. My real dad's mother died last June and she was a heartless, manipulative person. I know how lucky i have been to have had two very wonderful grandmas, and i make sure my son spends a great deal of time with both sets of his grandparents because i know how important that relationship is. My mum's parents probably had the greatest influence on me as a person out of all of my very large family.

Don't feel guilty that you were at the park when your gran died, i'm sure she would rather you were out having laughter and fun with your kids than sat at her bedside. I know my gran will be smiling wherever she is now that my mum was sat holding her grandson instead of by her bedside.

mistypeaks · 04/06/2008 10:18

NAB - My sympathies too. You've made me remember my nan (not that I ever forget her). She died before I'd met DH and had my little ones which is such a shame she'd have loved them. She died the day I was planning to go and visit her. Everyone used to go to her house on Christmas Day and Boxing Day, but that year for the first year I didn't make it and was going on 27th. I'll always feel guilty for being the only person who didn't see her. What really hit me is when we all went to her house to sort things out for the funeral (the family went from her house) My Christmas present was sat on the sideboard all on its own. Breaks my heart whenever I think of it.
If nothing else it makes me ensure that my girls see as much of their grandparents as possible. If I ever fall out with my mom I always come round so much quicker for that reason.

Original poster

NotABanana · 04/06/2008 11:31

I didn't see a lot of my Nana until I was 18 as I was in care but she was there for me for the next 15 years. She was my only family member at our wedding and saw my son when he was 20 months old. She never saw our daughter but I would send photos all the time. She was never fully well after our wedding and always put us off going to see her. When she was diagnosed with cancer I wanted to go and see her but my consultant wouldn't let me travel and she didn't want us to see her in that state. TBH I went to the park as a friend invited me and I wanted the children to have fun instead of stuck in with me being miserable. As it was, it was better as I only had to have them on my own for about 1 hour once I knew she had died before DH came home.

OP posts:

MadBadandDangeroustoKnow · 04/06/2008 11:38

My sympathies too, NAB.

Original poster

NotABanana · 05/06/2008 07:37

I went out yesterday and saw an older lady sat on the bench eating an ice cream. It was the sort of thing my Nana would have done and she looked a bit like her too. I was already feeling pants with a rotten cold and headache and I nearly burst into tears right there.

OP posts:

queenrollo · 05/06/2008 14:45

bless you NAB......i used to live round the corner from a sheltered housing complex and when i walked past with ds they all used to make a fuss of him and i always went home and cried because it should be Gran doing that, not all these random old ladies
The silliest things can set me off......i saw a biscuit barrel in a charity shop the other day, the same as the one my Gran had and that had me fighting back the tears....

queenrollo · 07/06/2008 07:43

i'm finding this weekend so hard my dp is away until tonight, but i have ds here who is cheering me up.
Going to put some flowers on my Gran's grave tomorrow. I'm waiting until dp is here to take me, i'll be crying too much after to drive myself home.

Weegiemum · 07/06/2008 08:53

It is hard.

My Gran was the great stable thing in my life, she died just over a year ago and I miss her terribly

Dh's Grandma died just 2 weeks before dd2 was born. dd2 is named after her, and my Gran as well (middle name). She's 4 and a half now and neither of us can beleive it has been so long.

MargaretMountford · 07/06/2008 09:04

I still miss my grandma after 9 yrs - she was a difficult woman but that was purely a result of her upbringing ( stiff and formal - not given to effusive shows of affection- very digified and very elegant even into her 90s and very religious) ..I was her first grandchild and I think there was a special bond - sadly she died on my dad's birthday so he must feel a bitter sweet pang on that day, I know I do. I so wish I'd seen more of her in later years when she lived in a convent ( home to elderly catholics) especially with my ds who was a baby..I have precious letters she wrote to me in those last months talking about how lovely he is and will keep them to show him. Hope you are feeling ok today NAB - I suspect as you are close to OJ you are finding things hard.

queenrollo · 07/06/2008 11:33

my grandma used to sing Que Sera to me, and as i learnt the words i sang along with her. We still used to sing it together when we were alone......

i used to sing it to ds when he was a tiny baby. i was feeling very tearful just now and so i sung it very loud.....and ds danced along!

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