Physical symptoms of bereavement

[MaidenAuntsnetter]

Hi there MNers,

Late 30s here and lost my DM (84 years old) a couple of weeks ago from Vascular Dementia and a few prolonged hospital spells this year caused by mini-strokes that left her a bit frailer than before. She actually died in hospital from her latest mini-stroke and we thought she would recover and get better like on her “What Matters to me” board, but she worsened throughout the time and this led to a couple of “false alarms” where the immediate family were called to the ward due to worrying breathing and observations.

Since that day, I have had this annoying lower back pain that won’t shift with time or any stretching/movements. I thought it would ease up after the funeral, but it’s just not going anywhere and worsening with period pain and general fatigue after the end of the day. I want to start moving and exercising again for my mental wellbeing, but worried this will make it worse.

I am also planning to go back to work now the funeral has passed as I’m anxious about my workload since the Tuesday afternoon my boss and one of my DBs came into the office to tell me about Mum’s death. Will being back in the office make my back pain worse again?

There is a book called The Body Keeps The Score and it talks about the physical impact trauma has on our bodies. When my partner died I was unwell so much afterwards, really bizarre things as well, I remember having neuralgia! Which id never had before or since.
With your back its probably holding alot of tension and also its what you keeps you up, so your body is probably saying take it easy and recover a little bit.
I wish you well and hope you feel better soon.

Do get checked out and don’t just assume it’s the grief. There are other things it could be, with just poor timing.

i hope you physically feel better soon and sending good wishes and much sympathy for your loss.

I agree in getting checked out by the GP. I’d think it would be something unrelated to the grief personally.

I developed back pain too. Just because I was sitting around more in crap postures when grieving.

You need to go to Pilates. It saved my life after I lost my lovely mum. I thought I’d die of heartbreak, I really did worry about it and it loosened up my body and mind so well. You are carrying a huge amount of tension right now and it needs to go somewhere.

interestingly a lot of my fellow Pilatees are also grieving - it helps us all. I still go daily!

Very sorry for your loss, losing a parent is a pain like no other.

Sorry to hear about your mum. My young son once spent a few months very unwell in hospital and I developed pain and tightness in my chest. I put it down to the stress of the situation. I mentioned it to one of the doctors who said it wasn’t necessarily that and to go to the GP. I didn’t for some reason and it did resolve as my son got better.

Please don’t be pressured into returning to work to soon, losing your mum is a major event in your life and you need to give yourself time.
I think your back pain could be stress, people say that grief can have an effect on your body, but i would definitely see your go, he can also sign you off work.

Emotional trauma can definitely affect your physical body - I thought I had a stroke in 2019 and threw up every morning for over a month, as well as had a numb arm and loss of strength in grip. It was so unexpected and so incredibly scary. I've never, ever had that before, but to date it was the worst experience I have had of grief.

I do think that exercise and movement will help - start gentle with walking, swimming etc. If it persists then have a talk with your GP, but do try gentle exercise first.

I kind of did my own gentle physio and made myself a promise I would see the doctor if it didn't get better. It did. But slowly. And even now I have a little relapse of those symptoms in moments of extreme stress (work etc.)

I am so sorry for your loss.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

After my mum died suddenly, I started to lose hair and my digestive system was all over the place. I would just randomly vomit, especially when I had to leave my grieving dad. I had problems with my appetite, which had always been voracious, and had sluggish bowels, which was very unpleasant.

By all means get checked out by the doctor but grief is a whole body experience. You’ll always love and miss your mum and I know you don’t think so now but you do learn to live with it and things do get better.

Be kind to yourself. Pilates is a great shout from a PP. I think I would go a bit mad without it.