Its a year since I last saw ds alive

[Mikart]

Ds took his own life 49 weeks ago. I last saw him alive a year ago today. And there was nothing in his behaviour to suggest he was going to do it. He had no history of mental illness, and no one had an inkling this would happen.
It's just so sad.

No one who has not experienced such an unimaginable tragedy can really imagine how you feel.

I can only say the very trite such as sorry for your loss.

Would you like to tell us a little about your DS?

I can't even begin to imagine how this feels. The agony of not having any answers. I am so very sorry. Its incredibly sad.

Sending you hugs x

That so sad. I’m so sorry for your loss.

I'm so very sorry. Please tell us about him if it's not too intrusive

Thank you. We haven't even had the inquest yet.
He was 25, great job, partner, travelled widely, sporty, so many friends who loved him. Their grief is so upsetting too. On a plus side we support a suicide prevention charity and have raised over £35000.

Am shedding a tear here OP. Such a sad thing to happen. What are your plans for today? Be gentle to yourself.
You have raised an incredible amount of money, what things have you done to raise it?

A lot of running ( not by me) and just donations from friends.

A very hard anniversary for you all. I am so sorry.

It is very true that those who intend to take their own lives do not talk about it and give no inkling to those around them of what they have in mind. There truly is nothing that their loved ones can do.

How brave of you to use this tragedy as an opportunity to raise funds to help others - I admire you for that.

How are you OP ? Losing a loved one to suicide really is the most horrific thing and I’m so sorry you and your family have experienced this. It’s so hard to find out the answers and to answer all the questions about why. Try and find peace in the unknown. Remember your glorious son for all the things he was to you.

I cannot even imagine how you have got through that experience. I have shed a few tears in your behalf. I am so sorry for your son’s anguish hidden from you all, and for the pain it has caused you and all his family and friends. I wish he had found the strength simply to talk to you.

There are some moments in life that the “if only…” takes your breath away.

Sending best wishes and strength, x

I also lost my son to suicide on 30th April this year. The inquest is at the end of this month. I really feel your pain and was reading my own thread about it. I don't have "why's" as I know the reasons why, but I think about him every day and it's getting worse (emotional pain) as the inquest draws near. It's the thought that I'll never look into those lovely brown eyes again and hear his laugh. On my better days I remember his downsides.

It must be so painful for you; I am so very sorry. The only 'if only' I have is I wish I could go back in time and stop him. There's action that I want to take as I feel that by the time anyone is in this place, they can't reach out and it must be us - society - who reach out to them, but how do you do that without any inkling? I have ideas on that but will use the inquest as the platform to put them out there. I think you've been very strong raising all that money - I'm sure he's very proud of you.

Just wanted to say you're not alone, we all hurt with you. xxx

Thank you Spooky2000.
This week has been awful...its nearly the anniversary and I'm not sleeping well.
I have good friends and dh but I feel so alone. I'm a very strong person and I hate this physical pain.

@Mikart just wanted to send love to you ❤

It will be 15 weeks this coming Sunday since I last saw DS (28) he passed away from a Glioblastoma. I feel (for me) it gets harder when each week passes as it sinks in more that I am never ever going to see my beautiful boy again.

I too have physical pain, my heart literally hurts.

Sorry to read this OP. Such a tragedy.

I'm sorry. Such a cruel disease. 😔

sending love to you. it is always a shock when someone wants to end their life, and it's often out of the blue rather than planned. even if they have not had a mental illness, they often have things bottled up that are not discussed with anyone else. its such a shock

I hope you don't take offence when I say that I understand. People talk about 'firsts' but it's not the firsts... it's a constant feeling that there's this invisible weight being dragged about behind you/me... it does lessen with time; I know this from when his died died the same way; but it's the "living with it" part that is absolutely exhausting.

What an absolute tragedy, I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear DS. What an anniversary for you to have to pass, and what awful grief you must be suffering. Grief is terribly exhausting and lonely, even if you have loved ones to support you. I hope you will find rest and peace again in body and mind. xxx

All I can say is, I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this 😢 x

I am so sorry for your loss OP 💐 that is terribly terribly sad, I can't even imagine what you are going through. Sending a virtual hug 🤗

Thank you for your supportive reies. The anniversary of his death was last week and it was frankly fucking awful. I have had to have blood tests to make sure theres nothing wrong as the physical pain was so intense.
Thankfully nothing untoward .
The inquest in a week so that's something else. Ive been sent 200 pages of witness reports, emergency service transcripts, suicide notes and other stuff to read beforehand.
Another level of pain.

It's such a lot to deal with, it's understandable you body is expressing it physically as well as emotionally.
I'm so sorry you lost your son.
These anniversaries are very painful and the inquest will be difficult. Do you have support you can call on/vent to?

I vent a lot 😀 I have a supportive dh and friends... a few have fallen by the wayside mainly because they dont know what to say. But that's OK. I have good friends who send cheese and gin, swear with me and tell me its ok to feel shit.
I'm a very strong resilient person...but at times grief absolutely floors me.