Can't face being older than my older sister.

[Hedgerowbustle]

Seems silly being in my 50s, but I'm finding this coming birthday really tough. From that day on I'll be older than she ever was. It's unknown territory. Always something comforting knowing she'd already chartered the waters for me. Really bloody miss her.

OP, I know how you feel - I’m now older than my DF was when he died, and it’s just an odd feeling. Getting older is not great! Sympathy over the death of a sister - I’m lucky enough to have two, and we have all discussed how awful it will be when one of us isn’t there any more. I hope you manage to have a happy birthday - and of course you will remember your sister, but make it happy remembering. 💐

Thank you. It is an odd feeling, especially for a parent - am sorry for your loss too. And yes, I must remind myself to do some happy remembering! That's very needed good advice

@Hedgerowbustle I feel your pain! I’m now a month older than my brother was when he died at the age of 44 unexpectedly and in extremely tragic circumstances. I have been feeling such a sad, emotional way that I just cannot articulate and no one understands. I thought it was just me being me, an emotional over thinker but your post gives me some comfort that I’m not mad or unusual in my feelings. It’s so strange isn’t it! we were only 15 months apart, so this came quite quickly after he passed so I was kind of expecting it to feel strange.

Sending you my love and virtual hugs x

Aw back at you @vixsta2001

I'm really glad for the replies, as now I know it's not just me either.

My Dsis and I were extremely close, her death was also unexpected and deeply traumatic. I've had ptsd from it, but this aspect seems to a thing of its own kind. Made worse I think, because she died on her birthday, which is near mine too. It feels like it's going to be a difficult one this year.
Definitely with the feeling of perhaps being overly emotional /over thinking, but it has really helped already to write this post, so I hope it's given you some kind of outlet too.

Similar feelings but different. I am already 5 years older than my dad managed, at the end of this year I will overtake my mum too. Seems wrong somehow that I am enjoying my 60s but my parents never did 😔

Aw, big hugs to us all.

Don't let any of us forget to do some Happy Remembering though, in amongst the sad feelings. That's my biggest thread takeaway ❤

I get this. When I passed the age my brother was when he died, it hit me like a wall. It’s such a strange, unfair feeling. You’re not alone in that.

Hello 👋 @Hedgerowbustle I came on this board thinking of starting a thread and then saw your post. I'm now 3 years older than my dearest older sister (who was 3 years older than me).

I'm so sorry you are missing your sister.
I miss mine so much. She was my absolute favourite person to spend time with. Can't laugh with anyone else the way I could laugh with her. No one else knows the weird dysfunction of our parents like she did.

Navigating children growing up and menopause without her showing me the way is so so sad and hard. I want my big sister!

Do you want to tell us about her?

Sending sympathy to everyone who's had to go through this.

I'm also mid-50s, & about to be older than my older sister ever was. It's a weird feeling, for sure. She was always there for me, & I just never imagined that one day she wouldn't be. I hate having to be the grown up - that was always her job, even when we were married with kids 🙁

It's not silly. I'm one of four girls and we were always really close. Especially when our Dad left. My oldest sister died of cancer a few years ago and I felt exactly the same when I got to her age. Then last year my next oldest sister died of the most awful early onset dementia. She was 61. I'll be 61 in December. I don't want to be the oldest sister. I don't want to be older than both of them. I mss them both so much.I am lucky that I still have a sister, but I feel your pain.

It's really discombobulating isn't it? My sister died at 52. I am now 54 and it's odd. My younger sister feels exactly the same.

I only know one other person who's lost their older sister, & we don't have the sort of relationship where I could talk to them about it. I have thought quite a lot about being older than her, but I had no idea till I found this thread that other people felt the same. I thought I was just being weird 😆