Tired

[flowertoday]

This seems like a ridiculous thing to post , but was hoping someone might relate / advise.
I lost my dad in the summer . He was ill, but his death was sudden as he declined so quickly.
My mum is elderly and has dementia. It has been alot to cope with. I arranged dad's funeral and am dealing with all the admin that comes after a death.
My family have had other bereavements in recent years. This loss has brought back the full force of the others.
I am so tired in a way that is unlike me. I am at work , managing at home etc. Going through the motions . But just so exhausted mentally most of all. Was wondering if other people feel like this after a bereavement and how to cope.

So sorry, OP. It is normal. It was a long time ago for me (lost my dad then my mum shortly after, both early 60's). I remember feeling exhausted and drained for a long time afterwards but children were really young so just had to keep going on auto (as we do).

Taking up running was the thing that really helped me in so many ways. It was my SIL's suggestion and we ended up completing the Great South Run together about a year after my mum died.

Thanks @PosiePetal . I just feel like all of my get up and go has got up and left....
Running sounds like a great idea. I do lots of walking, but I expect running is better xx

I'm sorry 💐 I don't think your post topic is ridiculous at all. This is something I've googled in the past because it was so intense I was starting to worry I was seriously ill.

I lost my dad last year and I felt like a zombie for the first few months, just crashed and fell asleep during the day at weekends and days off. It was just the sheer intensity of grief - emotions are experienced physically in the body so intense emotions are physically tiring. Plus everything else you're dealing with.

As time has gone on and the emotional pain is less intense I'm also naturally less tired. I just listened to my body during that period and in tough times since around difficult dates and so on when I become more tired, I just do what my body needs and remind myself that it's a natural part of grief that won't last forever.

But you do need to remember to eat and drink too. Dehydration can contribute to tiredness.

Are you managing to find any moments where you can do nice things? Even if they don't feel enjoyable at the moment and you're going through the motions, I think it still helps to give yourself time and space for nicer things too.

Also, what you say about this loss bringing back the full force of previous bereavements is something I can very much relate to. I think it's natural and part of processing what's happened.

Thanks @medievalpenny . I have started to think I was ill too, so it is helpful to know that someone else felt the same. Xx

Yes I can totally relate.
I think in these circumstances we bear a huge emotional toll but carry on just expecting our (in my case) big strong body to carry on functioning and doing what it does - while we are struggling internally.

It’s really important to properly look after you, be as kind as you would be to a friend, recoup and rest, and importantly, attention to good nutrition and water plays a big part.

Oh so normal. I lost ds to suicide 10 months ago and whilst I am healthy....all bloods OK, nothing physically wrong...I get so tired .
I exercise regularly and surprisingly sleep ok....usually 7 hours.
Its a huge trauma for your body. Im grateful to make it through one more day.

My mum died in July and I literally walk around like a zombie. I’ve never been so utterly exhausted in all my life. No sleep helps. I think it’s just grief. It’s heavy and I’d really like a rest from it.

So sorry for your loss, its normal to be tired. I looked after my grandad who had stage 4 cancer and passed away in a hospice, it wasnt sudden as he had been fighting cancer for decades but my nan relied on him so much for everything so it was/is bloody hard constant phone calls asking how does she do x, y and z 18 months later.
Then my MIL got diagnosed out of the blue with stage 4 cancer - her children apart from DH wouldn’t help they were useless so it all fell on me doing the lions share of work taking her to appointments, looking after her, then finding a hospice, and then clearing her home/dealing with funeral/admin that was nine months ago and I am absolutely shattered every day. Grief is heavy.

Yes I was exhausted especially after my mum died and it did bring back to the front of my mind the other losses in my family too - I totally get it.

You just have to accept it’s part of the process. You are dealing with all the extra practical stuff, the worry and the grief. Of course it plays on your mind.

I watched “Hurt Locker” recently with my dd and she asked why they only did such a short time on duty before being taken off the front line (the film counts down the days until they can get away from the stress of defusing bombs). I explained that being in a war takes an incredible toll on you mentally and if you’re defusing bombs, you need to be 100% focused.

I’m not comparing bereavement to being in a war of course that’s totally different. But it struck me that we have to recognise we are human and we have limits. Exhaustion is a natural side-effect of stress. And the only cure is total peace and quiet and some kind of escape - rest, exercise, a long bath, gardening, good company, a funny or gentle film depending what you can cope.

I do hope you find your places of peace and give yourself time to recover - don’t expect miracles.

@Mikart i'm so very sorry to read about your loss. I hope you are being kind to yourself.

OP sorry for the loss of your DF. I can totally relate to this. I think it is normal to feel utterly wiped out. I lost my DM in March. I feel utterly exhausted all of the time, mentally and physically. Its such a lot to cope with so dont be hard on yourself.