Ex wife

[herewegoagain1960s]

I lost my husband 4 years ago after only 4 years married. Before we met, he had a very acrimonious divorce but his ex wife still in contact as they had a problem adult daughter. The day after the funeral, I went to view the flowers as they had been laid in a favourite spot and there was a white and red rose wreath but the label had been removed. All other labels were in tact. It bothered me and I asked some family whether they knew who the flowers were from. I did think they were from his ex-wife - in itself, not a problem - it was the missing tag.

At the crem, after the service, his toxic daughter tried to get me to read the labels but one of our friends led me away before I could see anything.

Friends visiting this weekend drunkenly told me, his ex wife had written, ‘we all know who you really loved. We will be together again in time.’

I’m at peace with losing him but what sort of person would write something like that when she destroyed him by having an affair in the first place.

I knew at the time family and friends were just trying to protect me but was aware one said that I had enough to cope with and I didn’t need to see that! Now I know what I wasn’t supposed to see!

I feel so sad that he brought with him so much poison in the form of his past and it’s still popping up.

Just needed to get this off my chest in a safe space.

How horrible. People do weird things when someone dies , it's like they lose all sense sometimes. Put it down to that. They were right to remove the label. Try not to think about it. He was with you not her that's all that matters

Obviously she regrets the divorce and is resentful that he was happy with you. Don't give this person another thought or let her influence you. She was the one who had the affair and therefore in the wrong.

Just want to offer kindness, op. I'm sorry for your loss. How horrible of this horrible woman to cause pain like this.

Both the daughter and the mother are nasty.

Sorry you lost him after such a short time. I'm sure that you know that you had nothing to worry about re him.

She was acting out of jealousy. I bet everyone was saying good things about you, and she wanted to hurt you by stooping as low as possible.

I hope youre not in contact with any of them xx

How awful - like others have said, grief can trigger all sorts of weir behaviour even in people who otherwise would be compassionate and self aware.

My parents had been divorced for 10 years, and at my dad's funeral, my mother kept introducing herself as his, 'wife.'

When I asked why she was saying it, she said that in the, 'eyes of the church,' they were still married. Fair enough if she went to church, but she didn't.

Sounds as if the ex wife is vindictive - that she wanted people to know what she had written is unbelievable and so sorry you had to deal with this.

It’s striking that this spiteful act is still hurtful to you four years later, even after you have found some peace about the loss of your husband. Has anything else happened between you and his ex and/or his daughter which causes this to be an ongoing wound? Do you think you are more upset by the act itself, or the thought that others attending the funeral read the note? Anyone who did read it will have thought less of his daughter and his ex. And you clearly have supportive friends who care enough to try and protect you. It says nothing about your relationship with your husband and everything about the spiteful people who tried to hurt you.

Gosh how did it even come up after all this time?
My DH’s ex was very gracious at his funeral (7 years after we married). Not quite so gracious when it came to the willl (guess she thought there was a pot of gold somewhere when opposite was true). But goodness I wonder why your friend even brought this up? You didn’t need to know.

The sort of person who would do that is a very self centred one who cannot see past their own needs and wants. Her issues are hers alone though, and it’s nice that enough other people saw her crazy and wanted to protect you.

He didn’t though, or he would have been with her. She sounds vile. Hope you’ve cut the toxic SD out too.

It’s vile but try not to let it get to you; that’s what she wanted, the beast.