Clearing Out My Parents’ Home

[FeatheryFlorence]

My Mum died nearly three years ago and I’ve been slowly clearing out her home. My Dad died over 25 years ago. I was an only child. Going through my Mum’s stuff, it’s like I never existed. She kept every card and letter my Dad sent her. His clothes were still in the wardrobe. Loads of photos of the two of them. None of the three of us as a family. No photos of me on my own, and only a couple of small photos of the DGC.

We had an odd relationship and I could never do anything right. Her sister said she should never have had kids, and I guess this is right. They had no use for anyone else in their little unit. It’s so hurtful.

Hello
Sorry for the loss of both your parents. Take your time with clearing the house out and don't feel under any pressure to hold on to items that you don't feel the need to. Do you have someone to help you, perhaps a friend or cousin or someone? I just thought it would be easier to have company whilst you go through everything.

I'm so sorry you are hurting. My grandparents were a bit like this and my lovely late mum always said her parents put their relationship above their children and although their needs were met, they felt like they were, at times, intruders in their own lives.
My mum was very different and my brother and I always knew we were loved, but she still ensured that she and my father had ring fenced time together.
It is really hard going through your parents things after their death and I am sending a big virtual unmumsnetty hug your way should you want one.

Thank you so much for commenting. My husband is quite useless (he has never been bereaved so has no idea what it is like). I have a friend who has helped a bit (largely with ferrying stuff to the storage), but she has enough going on in her life. It’s odd things that are difficult to get rid of. I think you are right, my needs were met as a child, but when I left home at 18, I was told very clearly that I wouldn’t be coming back, apart from the occasional weekend.

I’m sorry you are dealing with this. It’s very hurtful. You said your needs were met but look up emotional neglect. Many of us were provided for physically but we did not receive the love and emotional support we should have had.