Don’t know how to feel - trigger warning suicide

[HelloSunshine100]

We have just found out that an elderly aunt has killed herself. I feel so sad that she must have been so desperate but also confused to how I feel? We were not that close but would always see each other at Christmas and I always really liked her and she was very kind to me as a child. it’s such a shock
complicated family dynamics as my father had a very difficult relationship with her and they didn’t get along and he dislikes her. I don’t know all the details but think they had a difficult childhood.
it’s all so confusing I don’t know how to feel

Sorry to hear this. You said you feel sad and also that you don’t know how to feel. You might be partly in shock and when that fades, all sorts of feelings might crop up - none right or wrong, maybe even some apparently conflicting, but they’re all okay to feel. How your dad feels might be totally different to how you feel. Death by suicide can be especially complicated to sort through as you can be left with so many questions. Take it easy

You can call the Samaritans just to talk through your feelings on the matter

They are very good listeners

You’ll never really know

it could be trauma related, financial, medical anything really

She was kind to you and enjoyed her time with you which is important as those times clearly gave her joy so that’s something positive to take from this