I wanted to share this great 15 min podcast from Jefferon Fisher which I found spot on..
In summary he says:
Avoid Empty or Minimising/Positive Phrases
eg Common expressions like "Let me know if you need anything" or "Everything happens for a reason" or "At least they are in a better place" can unintentionally invalidate grief. Avoid any sentence that begins with 'Let me know if' as that puts the responsibility unfairly onto the bereaved. Instead, Jefferson encourages honest acknowledgments like "I don’t have the right words, but I’m here" or "No one should have to go through this pain - it's devasting" or simply showing up in quiet support (rather than saying nothing/avoiding).
Don’t Centre Yourself in Their Experience
eg Do not ask questions or details. Trying to relate by sharing your own story will shift the focus away from their loss. Let their grief take center stage: listen more than you speak, and resist comparing or layering your emotions over theirs. Instead say that you are thinking of them, that you are here for them and that there is no pressure to respond.
Take Initiative in Tangible Ways
eg Rather than vague offers of help, Jefferson advises taking real actions—bring a meal, run errands, or offer specific support. The bereaved often can’t articulate their needs, so thoughtful gestures go a long way.
Presence, not perfection is the key. Supporting someone in grief isn’t about having the perfect response- it’s about being willing to show up, listen, and let them feel what they feel.