Lost my dad suddenly

[ShyGreyFinch]

My dad died nearly 3 weeks ago and I've been so busy with the funeral etc but now it's hit me. I feel so exhausted and just don't understand how I'm never going to see him again. I have a pain in my chest constantly. When does it get easier 💔

I am two weeks behind you and it hits me every so often. Most of the time I am compartmentalising like a boss. The busyness is unreal. Ive said it is like having a full time job.

I'm sorry about your dad.

It gets easier gradually so you won't notice at first and then one day you'll realise that things have improved.

Try not to think too much about the future right now because it can make everything feel overwhelming or impossible, just focus on getting through each day as it comes.

I lost my dad unexpectedly and suddenly nearly 7 weeks ago, so still early days but the rawness has eased and I am able to go about normal life again without breaking down and gradually finding glimmers of happiness in my life again. But when the waves come they come in strong and I just roll with them by talking about how I’m feeling crying or just screaming something like it’s so unfair or this is really shit!!
grief is a strange thing as I grieve for missing my dad but still seem to grieve a lot for him and think he must feel so sad he’s never going to come home from hospital 😔
be kind to yourself and you will continue to learn to live with this as I know for sure my feelings about losing dad arnt going anywhere but my life is continuing either way.

Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad suddenly and very unexpectedly almost 8 weeks ago. I am 35 and he was 70. I promise you the extreme rawness and shock of those early early weeks does lift. I’m not going to lie and say it’s suddenly easier. It’s not but you will find an inner strength you do not know you have to pick yourself up and carry on. I found the first few weeks planning a funeral surreal, some people seem to need that focus, I just found it hard and hated the fact we had to plan a funeral, it all just felt so so wrong. Almost 8 weeks on I am now starting to grieve for my own loss but I am still mainly swarmed with thoughts of everything he’s going to miss out on and how he should still be here. My main feeling, is just sadness and at times huge waves of hopelessness and I know the one thing that would make me feel normal again, is impossible. I’m sorry I’ve made this post pretty self indulgent but what I’m trying to say, is you are not alone, there’s a big community behind you that is in this club we never wanted to be in. You will be ok. Do you have any siblings or family close by?

I'm so sorry for the loss of your fathers, all of you.

It eases a bit after a few months but I found the first year was pretty tough to be honest. The gaping hole left behind made everything feel off, just not right.

Something that helped me personally was putting up photos of our very best times together, laughing. Seeing photos of pure joy every day helped erase the images from the last days in hospital, which had been pretty brutal.

I would say give yourself time and cut yourself a lot of slack. Sudden deaths are a lot to process. I really do sympathise.

My dad died unexpectedly a couple of years ago.

It was very difficult going through all the firsts without him - first father's day, first Christmas, first birthday etc.

But in some ways the seconds were harder.... One Christmas without him could have been seen as a blip, but the second made it really hit home that he wouldn't ever be here again.

There are still says when I think "I must tell dad.... " then it hits me that I can't and I'm swamped by grief again (I'm crying as I type this).

Having said all that, for me it started easing a bit after the funeral, as we settled in to the new normal of life without him. We laugh a lot and remember him with huge amounts of love and affection, and we know that he had a good life. But it's as though everything is just a little duller than before.

So it will get easier, but you'll never stop missing him :-(

it helps to know that other people are feeling the same even though I wish none of you were feeling this way obviously. I know it's still so early and I'm trying to be kind to myself. I just can't believe how final death is, I feel like I'm expected to just clear out his house, deal with his accounts etc and just move on!

@ShyGreyFinch I felt like he was at the side of a river and I was being swept downstream. He got further and further out of reach each day and I was helpless o stop it.

Some people will expect that (mostly those who haven't been through it), but you don't have to do that. Just because someone dies, doesn't mean our relationship with them ends.

Your dad, and his love for you, have influenced the person you are now, and you can still access shared memories, think about advice he would give, remember him at moments that are right for you. In all of those ways, you can carry him with you throughout your life. It will take time to adjust and to find peace with that, but it is possible. 💐

I’m sorry you are going through this, OP. My Dad died 5 weeks ago and I feel like I’m just beginning to experience ‘proper’ grief, rather than the immediate shock. Dreams about him too, where it was all just a mistake or misunderstanding, making it especially difficult and raw when I wake up.
I nearly bought a book today, but put it back as it was one I would have passed on to him (I’ll just get it on Kindle).
Like a PP said, I think the only thing we can do is just go with it, cry if we need to to, remember that he played a part in how we grew up and influenced the adult we’ve become. It’s still extremely shit though

It’s impossible to say when it’ll get easier, but it will, I promise.

But you have to experience grief- don’t wish it away or try to rush through it, as painful as it is. It is completely normal and natural to be devastated when someone you really loved has died. There will be sorrow and maybe anger, regret, guilt, fear… a whole range of emotions. And they may not surface neatly in a particular order. You won’t be the same person for a while (and you might not be quite the same person ever again). But you will survive it. When you’re really in the thick of it, many people find it helpful to take it one day at a time (or one hour at a time on the really bad days).

Sending you courage and hope. 💐

I'm so sorry for your loss. How horrible is it when you wake up and forget for a second.

Thank you @ShyGreyFinch . I wish you well on this journey none of us want to be on.
@Waitingfordoggo I’ve seen that cartoon before and it’s SO apt. Messy, tangled, never quite going where you think it will. I also find Grief Is The Thing With Feathers by Max Porter to be helpful - a Crow that says it will be with you as long as you need it, wanted or not.

Sorry to everyone on this thread.

I lost my dad suddenly in December.
At first I just felt that shock and disbelief. After the funeral, I then experienced the dreams for a couple of months and the disbelief continued.

He was a part of our every day life and was very involved with childcare of my DC but with work and school we just had to find a 'new normal' as quickly as we could.

I cried every day for the first month and then it became less frequent.

It's been 7 months now and I think only now am I starting to accept it all.