Grief or mental health problem ?

[mam1998]

I don’t know if this is a common mental state that people have after grieving or wether I’m suffering poor mental health and it’s not that common?

basically this November it’ll will be my dads second year death anniversary and ever since he died I have been tormented with thinking he spectates me and thinks I’m a bad person. It’s like I feel this impending doom that he follows me around gathering all information that makes me a bad person. I believe everybody has spirits looking out for them but I’m believing that I don’t have one at all because all my loved ones who have passed have decided after spectating me in the after life have decided I’m not worth the time of day.

I feel like my dad will think I’m a failure as a mother, and a care worker because I just find it all so tiring even more so since my dad died and I don’t think I’m the same as what I used to be as a person at all.

I come home and I cry pleading for a sign or a message from my dad to give me reassurance so I can move on with my life. To know he still loves me and has the time of day for me. Most people find comforting believing in an afterlife however I find it tortures me as I feel everyday is judgement day and the list of me being a bad person grows and grows.

is this apart of grief or do I have a mental health issue or depression?

This isn’t “normal” grief reaction. It sounds absolutely debilitating. I think you need to get professional help. Hugs xx

Grief can in some circumstances become a MH issue ( it is recognised in the DSM diagnostic handbook ) Prolonged Grief Disorder and is also included on the NHS web site as a recognised issue. Symptoms are very similar to and overlap with depression / anxiety. What you are describing is over and above “normal grief”. Please visit your GP to seek help.

I’ve just lost my second parent and, horrendous though it is, I understand the grief process I'm currently going through because I’ve already done it once. I think you need to speak to your GP for some advice because it sounds like this is more than ‘normal’ grief.