Grief

[happy20218]

I lost an old friend at the weekend due to a motorbike accident. I had a phone call from his mom that afternoon . I can’t believe it we’ve been friends since we were kids . Not in everyday contact but more my siblings best friend and they spoke the night before . I just can’t get my head round it . I just wanted some advice . Do I message his mom or call her to send my love again . Will there likely be inquest ? Will the funeral be a while off whilst the police investigate ( another car was involved) do I send flowers . I’m not really sure what to do as I’ve never experienced anything like this before . I’m feeling very very sad about it all xx

If you're close to his mum, then call her. If you're not close then message her - but don't expect a response - you could even say to her not to feel that she has to answer

I'm sorry for your loss

I am sorry , its so hard when somebody dies especially when it is so sudden.

I think it would be fine to send his mum a msg, but she may not reply , don't take this as a snub she will have a lot to deal with right now and for the next few weeks .

I would imagine there will be a inquest was a unexpected death.
If there were cameras and the driver stopped and admitted they were at fault it should be fairly straightforward, but no cameras, no blame it may take a fair bit longer.

If you think you can help , be a shoulder to cry on , help with the funeral plans / wake then offer your help BUT only do this if you really mean it .
When my DH died quite a few 'friends ' offered to help but were then to busy / didn't know who or what to do. I found that very hurtful.

I'd give it a week or so snd then ask where and when the funeral will take place.
Again don't be upset if you don't get a reply she may be to busy or if she wants it strictly for family she may not know how to tell you .

For calling / messaging, it’s dependant on how close you are and whether you would normally call or message. But a message is a fairly safe bet that leaves her the chance to respond in her time. (Assume that you won’t get a reply)

If you are (proximity wise) close by then an open offer to do anything is nice.

Flowers are a personal matter, they could be appreciated as a thought, but they could also be inundated from others.

Just to know that those who care are thinking of you and are available if needed, without the pressure of a response needed can be valuable.

When I lost my best friend I was zombified in auto pilot. I did have things to do from day one, looking after their birds and contacting particular people whilst being unable to ‘actively’ function (I blocked out much of the world!) and then gradually switching myself back on occupied with tasks to do.

You will be feeling your own grief, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Just allow everyone to grieve their way and be available to those who may need you

You may need to block out others and keep things to yourself, but don’t let that go too far.
If you don’t feel like talking with those who are around or it is too difficult to do so, then use strangers and / or distant friends.

I would definitely call his mum or go and see her if you’re close. A lot of people won’t know what to do and will stay away.

So sorry for this awful news.

My best friend died in a car accident two days before we were due to take our midwifery finals. I didn’t know her parents but I did ring them.
Sorry to hear of your mates death.