Just lost my dad

[YControl]

My dad died on Friday morning after a 3 year struggle with a horrible degenerative disease.
Felt ok over the weekend and weirdly relieved but now I'm just totally exhausted and feel like I'm going through the motions a bit. DH works away during the week so he has gone back to work this week, I'm driving to see my mum (about a 90 minute drive away) most days and dealing with my own primary age kids, and I'm due back at work tomorrow! But I can't concentrate on anything.

I don't feel grief stricken or anything and it's not like I didn't have time to prepare for this but I don't know how to feel or what to do with myself!

I'm not sure why I'm posting really, I think I don't know how to talk to anyone in real life so to speak so it's easier to write it down.

I'm sorry about your dad. It's totally natural to be struggling to concentrate and exhausted. Just because you knew he was dying, doesn't mean you won't grieve that he is gone. There's a lot to process and grief is different for anyone.

Do you think going back to work at this stage would be helpful or might it be better to take a bit more time off?

I really resonate with this. My dad died in April, he was housebound with poor mobility, terrible hearing and dementia. It’s a cruel disease and I too was almost relieved. Relieved that he was spared further suffering, it was this slow downwards decline. But then I felt awful for not being sadder. Give yourself time. Once the funeral was over I found it easier as the physical dad was gone, but it’s more the dad from a few years ago I grieve (if that makes sense.) The man he was at the end was not the joyful, lively father I had until he got dementia.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's only been a few days. I think maybe take some more time off work to process and help your mum and spend time with your kids.

I'm so sorry to hear that. My dad died three weeks ago so I can easily relate to where you are. I'm 200 miles away, so even though I was there when my dad passed, it feels quite unreal now I'm home again - I wonder if that might also be the case for you?

I was absolutely exhausted for a week or so after getting home, I think the adrenaline finally wore off and I just needed to sleep. It also felt like everything was so difficult, particularly starting anything.

I've no idea if any of this chimes with you or is in any way helpful, but I just want you to know that you're not alone going through this. Happy to chat more by private message if you think it might help. Hang in there.

Thanks everyone. I am so sorry that so many of you are or have struggled with the same feelings.
I am going into work today and will just try and get through until the weekend. I would have taken more time but I had a few weeks off sick with an injury earlier in the year.
Definitely feeling kind of numb, irritated and having trouble concentrating on or starting anything!

How are you doing @YControl? I lost my Dad last Sunday and while we had a month of knowing that his cancer had spread, it all happened so fast in the end, from hospital, to home, to hospice, that I’m struggling to process it all. In no way would I want my Dad back to suffer as he did in his last days, but now that that relief is wearing off, I’m all over the place. Sending love and strength, this is hard.

Thanks for posting 🙂 I am doing ok I think.
I'm pretty exhausted though and more irritable than usual - I'm not a crier, and haven't cried yet but I feel sort of pensive.

Sorry your hurting OP, although you haven’t cried I am sure your emotions are heightened which in itself is exhausting, when you have young children there is not much room for me time but please look after yourself, if all you can do is have a few early nights.💕

I just wanted to post in solidarity for you all going through this horrible time. So sorry for your loss.