Is it me, them or grief?

[LittleMG]

I lost my brilliant mum in November very suddenly. She was my rock in life my very best friend. I have 2 younger boys 3 and 6. They are honestly great kids, my mum adored them and she helped me a lot. She was great with kids and had a good attitude when they stressed me out, just talking to her really helped.

I feel lately I can’t cope with them. They need me constantly and it’s such hard work, my youngest has cerebral palsy. I’ve also got my mums little dog and he’s only a pup. I feel like life is so so hard. My house is a tip, I can get myself going. I don’t know if I’ve just got a shorter fuse but Im not coping.

Im a stay at home mum, I have a lovely home, my husband loves us and works hard. He is 50/50 with the kids when he’s home. I have a great sister who I’m very close to. I’ve got no reason to feel so stressed and low but I just can’t cope with them when they’re full on. I made a reward chart but it just caused more upset and tears. My husband got home and took them out for a walk andI’ve just sat crying I’m not even sure why.

Please help me, what can I do?

I think you have every reason to feel both stressed and low actually. You have children and they are full on anyway and you have your late mother’s dog. Are you a dog lover?. Do you want to keep her dog going forward? Is the animal well trained and has no behavioural issues?.

It’s all too easy to be and feel overwhelmed. You’re still very much in the trenches re grief.

You are looking after everyone but who is looking out for and after you?. Am sure your h is trying his best but have you considered grief counselling?. It may be worth considering now if you have not looked into it already.

My dad died suddenly in April of this year whilst on holiday overseas and it’s left a parent shaped hole in my life. I would urge you to be kind to yourself and hug your family members. Hug your own self too and do not shy away from your feelings.

The housework can wait and no one is going to care that the hoovering for instance was not done today.

I have not come across many people whose parents or relatives have died overseas even though I am led to believe this is not that uncommon a scenario.

@AttilaTheMeerkat
thank you, I’m so sorry for your loss. I have no idea how hard that must be with the added dimension of being abroad. I have had grief counselling and it did help I felt I’d gone as far as I could go.
the dog is an issue, he is not easy he’s a puppy and high maintenance. My mum died unexpectedly and never imagined she’d leave him so soon. I have a trainer and I take him to classes. I have to keep him there is no way I’ll let him go he loves me and I promised my
mum.
I think maybe my defences are down and low with less resilience. I

Sorry to read about your mum. Your are grieving and it is overwhelming. Be gentle with yourself.

Maybe it would help to think what your mum would say to you now? If she saw how you were struggling and the issues with the dog, would she say let the dog go to someone else who has the time and would be able to deal with it? I get that it's a connection to your mum, but she wouldn't want this to be the straw that broke the camel's back, surely?

I am so sorry for your loss It sounds quite shocking and overwhelming

I wondered if taking care of the dog as well as your own younger boys just feels like too much? Maybe you wouldn't have that additional load if your mum hadn't died? It's normal to feel frustrated with the extra work someone's death brings. Often the thing that's too much is what we hold onto for dear life

I think it's grief. My ddad died suddenly in November and he was a big part of mine and DCs lives as well. Last week was really tough, I didn't want to get out of bed each day. This week I am better again and not dreading getting up every day.

I'm glad you have a supportive DH and Dsis. They will help you through this.