Exhaustion / burnout

[flowertoday]

Hope this is OK to post, it is hard to talk to anyone about this in real life.
My nephew died in 2022, at the end of this year my sister died of cancer. Her death was further complicated by the fact that she was in a coercive and controlling relationship. We weren't able to have a funeral. Her partner went on to emotionally abuse our elderly parents.
My dad is now dying of cancer. Horrible pig of a disease. He is exhausted and my mum is not able to offer much care as she has dementia.

I just feel completely worn down and numb, apart from when I am tearful and or angry. It feels like burnout. Many things seem pointless, I feel incredibly tired. But of course life goes on, I have a job, children, a marriage ( and am profoundly grateful to have these things ) and have to keep going . I just wonder if other people can relate and the best way to keep on getting through. Xx

That's a horrendous time to be going through over the past few years. No wonder you're exhausted; all of this is happening in a very short space of time, isn't it 😔I really feel for you. Is there anyone who can help take care of your Mum, or is something already in place? What about Macmillan care? Could they be contacted and some assistance given to you?

You need to make some time for yourself and your family too, but I bet you already know that. Can you work fewer hours or days?

What a nasty man to do that to your parents! 😤Has he gone yet? Or still around?

I can relate, through two different experiences, one with a job that was utterly sole destroying back in 2005 and more recently dealing with DH’s life limiting illness over the past five years. He passed earlier this year and I left the job in 2009.

it’s difficult to realise that there are some things you have absolutely no control over no matter how hard you try. Im not sure how you make yourself do it but I found that I somehow managed to switch off from it with thoughts of ‘I can do no more’ and some strange feelings of acceptance.

making sure my body was properly nourished with food, vitamins, minerals, water (including electrolytes) trying to reduce sugar intake etc, devoted some time to having my nails done, going to chiropractor and trying to be better dressed has helped a bit towards making me feel better, I know I look better and it’s had a good effect on me.

thsts said the feelings of utter loneliness and despair for long DH pop up and grab me, keeping busy has been the key for me, ie thinking of other things, but I also down tools and watch a serious binge worthy amount of TV when I am tired. It’s a day by day process, im considering counselling but haven’t worked who with.

I went away with a girlfriend a couple of weeks ago for a few days break to a new place and it helped me to come back feeling better.

@Spooky2000 thanks for your reply. Those are some good ideas. I feel sad for both of my parents, so hard for them both in different ways.

Luckily sisters partner seems to have faded from the scene. I am hoping that there is nothing left for him ( in terms of attention/ resources) to come back for. But it is always on my mind....

@Hisredipad thank you too. So sorry for the loss of your husband, such alot for you to cope with. Looking after yourself is key. I am terrible at buying new clothes / spending any money on my appearance and you have prompted me to think about this.

🌻