First Fathers Day without Dad

[sugarplummy142]

I lost my dad before Xmas and haven’t been well since, mentally and physically. I know it’s only a day but I’m dreading Sunday. I always spent the day with dad and not sure what to do instead. DH will and DD will be my backbone as usual but still dreading it. And then it would have been his 80th birthday in a couple of weeks…..

I’m so sorry for your loss. The firsts are all awful. Sending you strength.
Can you do something to remember your dad and then move onto to celebrate your DH? I’m a few years on but the way I manage it is by having the morning to cry and go to the cemetery and the rest of the day is a celebration of DH, he’s a great dad too.
Nothing makes it better but I hope you’ve got support around you.

@Iwantsandybeachesandgoodfood thanks for your lovely words. Sorry for your loss too, however many years it may be.
DD literally just said the plan is to scatter dad’s ashes in his favourite place and then do something nice for DH, you’re right it’s his day too and he’s a brilliant dad. Just worried I won’t be able to keep it together.

We lost dad in May. Still so recent. We're spending it with mum and kids will do DHs gifts while we're in the kitchen or doing something. I don't want to ruin it for DH but I'm not ready to be cheery.

@CluelessBereavementso sorry for your loss. Of course you won’t be feeling cheery, it’s so soon and so raw. I had a houseful for Xmas day and have hardly any recollection of it. Hope you get through Sunday as best you can

@CluelessBereavement and @sugarplummy142 take that pressure right off! You don’t need to keep it together. If you want to cry from the minute you get up then do so, if you just need hugs from your loved ones do that. All you need to do is get through it.

Allow yourself to be sad. But focus on your husband. It’s his special day and it shouldn’t be marred.

Firstly I'm sorry for your loss, grief is an horrendous thing to go through.
This was me last year and the build up to the first fathers day was hard and when the day arrived I felt awful and wanted to cry all day. I felt like I'd gone back to the start with my grieving journey. You have to be kind to yourself and whatever you end up doing make sure it's right for you. This 2nd fathers day without my dad feels less raw and I know he wouldn't want me to spend the day feeling heartbroken.
Take care.

Crying is an important way of releasing grief stress from your body, so even though it might feel like losing control actually it's really healthy and useful to allow yourself to cry. Especially on important and difficult firsts like this

Grief is a normal part of life, you shouldn't be under pressure to pretend you're not grieving your dad to give a jolly performance for others. There is space for your husband to feel loved as a father while also holding space for your dad and your grief. That would be healthy and natural.

Just because someone isn't physically here anymore, doesn't mean our relationship with them ends or that we have to try and act like they were never here. I think finding a way to honour or remember your dad during the day would be entirely appropriate.

This is my first too and I did something similar on Christmas Day. It wasn't planned, just what felt right on the day.

First Father’s Day without my Dad who died suddenly in February. I’ve been on my own today and it still feels like he will come through the door. Sending love to everyone missing their dad today

Today is the first Fathers Day without my dad who died last October Prostate cancer. Its also my birthday.

Eight months on im having dreams about my Dad. I dreamed last weekend that he was still alive sitting in his chair with his reading glasses on. I went to hug him and told him that i love him.............then i woke up.

22 years ago my 30th birthday was on Fathers Day and DB did a big family barbecue in my parents back garden. Loved sharing this day with my dad when both fell on the same day Miss him so much

@sugarplummy142 came here to say almost the same except my lovely Dad would have just turned 90.
The firsts are so difficult but I love thinking and talking about Dad, I have learned to sit with my sadness but it is not easy

I lost my dad last month. I’ve been getting messages all day today from people saying they are thinking of me. And to be honest it’s annoying me. I know they mean well but I feel like, I think about him and miss him all the time, every day. Not just today.

sorry to everyone else who has lost their dad.

Thank you to everyone who has commented, and sending big love to you all who are struggling through this day too.

It was a tough day! My dad passed in April and instead of choosing a photo to put on his Moonpig card and buying Lynx Africa i was buying an angel windchime and deciding what flowers to put on his grave. My brother brought him his bar of wholenut like every year. We cried, we remembered him and i spent the day being thankful he was my dad. Love to everyone that also had a tough day yesterday x

@Howmanycatsaretoomanycats that’s how it was for me too. Was very sad but also very grateful that I’ve had so many fathers days with him in the past. We sprinkled his ashes just as the wind came out of nowhere and it took him off, travelling the world forever as my friend said. He’d be happy with that. Glad you got through it as best you could x

I lost my dad on Friday morning so I don't know that the complete sadness of it being the first has hit me, but I did feel guilty at not making it as good a day for DH as I normally would.

Sending love to everyone who struggled through Sunday.

@YControlI’m so so sorry for your loss, it’s so recent and raw that it won’t have hit you yet. Don’t feel guilty, I’m sure your DH understood how awful it was for you. Sending love

I haven't lost my Dad but my mum died in January ,we have since had the first mothers day ,and birthday, it's hard ,I spent both days with my sister and Dad and we raised a glass to her.