This site has helped me during a crap time. So thank you.

[Littlejellyuk]

I've just lost my mum. It's been 2 weeks today. It was expected, but still my heart breaks.
We'd argued and made up. We fought like cat and dog we healed and then she fought until the end before she went into her forever sleep.
I miss her everyday.
It's the little things that I miss the most.
But now every morning I do the guess the word puzzle on mumsnet.
Then I read through some posts and it provides a distraction. It has helped a lot.
I keep busy. I tick off my to do list. I plod on via autopilot and feel numb.
I know this is a protection mechanism.
I have sorted a lot of stuff out within a week.
My mum was very productive and efficient, and I have followed her example.
I have kept busy. But the pain comes when I say it out loud.
She has gone.
She has passed.
Then it hits me like a ton of bricks for a split second.
The grief comes in unexpected waves.
My god it feel like a whirlwind of agony.

Make no mistake, this is not my first rodeo.
I lost dad nearly two decades ago and that was heartbreaking, as I nursed him until the end, despite it also being expected.
I suppose it is all normal really.
It's the little things that can lift or upset me. Trivial things really, but they mean so much.
I know I'm not unique. I know others have lost loved ones. I know that this will be hard.
I'm not in a special predicament.
But i really really miss her.
So very very much. And as lucky as I was to have had her here for longer than we should, I honestly wasn't ready for her to go.
I'm glad she's not in pain and no longer suffering. But she was my favourite pain in the arse and I dont know how I'm going to cope without her. I miss popping around. I miss calling her to tell her my news. I miss her cackle of a laugh. I miss her perfume. She was a tiny frail lady, yet such a force to be reckoned with and my heart breaks for the years I wished we'd had.

So I just want to say thank you to the people on this site. As I have had something to distract me for a little portion of the day by being on this site, and reading the various posts, and knowing that we all have our problems (some poor people have had a terrible time of it on here) and thank-you for reminding me that I'm not alone and that there is support here.

I’m so sorry for your loss and am glad you have been helped a little at this awful time

💐

So very sorry for your loss and I know that most of us, I would estimate, have or have had complicated relationships with our mums.
I lost mine 15 years ago, I can remember those first few weeks, wondering how on earth I would get through it.
I wish I had some sage advice or a magic spell to take the grief away, but it’s important to feel it rather than hide it away.
I still my miss my mum every day. Like yours, she was a pocket rocket. I adored her but she set very high standards for me, and that was difficult, but now I realise she did what she did out of love.
I saw a mum and daughter having a coffee yesterday and I still miss that. Or when I need to measure for curtains. I still talk to her as I go about my day. That helps. And I still talk about her. That helps.
She was your pain in the arse, and I bet she adored you.
I can tell you this. It does get easier over time. The first year of ‘firsts’ can be tough, like her birthday or Mother’s Day, but you learn to negotiate the world in a new way, although it’s never quite the same.
My mum, bless her, left me a letter in her underskirt drawer, so obviously it would be me who found it. At the end of it she said put this in a box and keep it safe, read it when you feel sad, but then put the letter away, and live your life with all the joy I wish for you.
I bet your mum would say the same to you. She would want you, over time, to live your life as the gift she helped to give you.
I send you my condolences.

Than you so much and that comment of pocket rocket made me smile. I'm sorry to hear about your mum, my mum also had high standards, you are right.
Now that everything is done, its hard to see what is next xx

Thank you 💕

Oh my days, it's funny how it's the little things can help, because I've just re-read this and spitted your username! I love your username, as we used to say to my mum, she was like Peggy Mitchell, and she would laugh her head off! Because she really was a tiny pint-sized powerhouse! 😆
Oh, this has just made my morning to read your name 😇 ❤️ 😌

Edited to say spotted your username and not spitted 😆 🤣 😂