My close friend died 11 years ago and I’m still hurting

[snowybe]

over the years I’ve blocked her out of my memory I guess as a coping mechanism and then I remember and I’m so upset. It’s almost like that part of my life when she was here was a different life. We were very close, so close that people we met when out mistook us for a couple and my family asked me if I was a lesbian! I’ve never had a friendship like that and it has left a hole since. She was only 25 when she went. She had struggled with depression, even though to meet her she was the life and soul of the party, you’d never think she was depressed if you didn’t know her. It taught me a lot about mental health. She killed herself and I was the last person she messsged.

sitting here crying because I randomly thought of her and read through all of our fb messages this evening, and I remembered her voice. Now it’s dawned on me again she’s gone. I accidentally put a thumbs up in the fb message and unsent it. I’m a mess. Is this even normal of me?

I am so sorry for your loss.

Grief is normal after a long time, if its not affecting your daily functioning.

I lost my oldest friend to suicide 20 years ago. I still miss her terribly, and the 20th anniversary hit hard.

I had bereavement counselling from a fantastic charity called Cruse, which was really helpful and completely free.

Be kind to yourself x

I understand OP.

I lost my oldest and dearest friend 5 years ago, very suddenly. I miss her terribly, and while the raw grief and utter disbelief has subsided I still think about her all the time and feel as though I have lost a part of myself. She meant so much to me, and I loved her dearly.

I think what you’re feeling is completely normal. In some ways I don’t want to stop mourning my friend, the grief and pain feels preferable to acceptance, in a strange way. I don’t ever want to feel ‘ok’ that she’s no longer here.

Agree with the previous poster - there is no timeline on grief. That said, it could be beneficial to have some grief counselling, especially if you feel you’d like to move past the sad stage? Reading between the lines, I’m wondering if you feel guilty wondering if you could have stopped her (this was NOT your fault at all, but you may need to talk to someone to work through those feelings if they exist)?

Im sorry for your loss, it sounds like you were a great friend to her though, and im sure she appreciated your friendship.

@snowybe I have just had a similar flashback of my friend who died last year. Her voice is ringing in my head and I cannot stop crying. It is beautiful that your connection is so strong 11 years on, pure love. Sending you much love!

I lost my darling best friend last year.

I honestly think friendship grief is so underrated.

There are members of my own family I wouldn't be as devastated of a loss as I was my friend.

There were things I knew about her even her sibling and mother didn't. We shared secrets and traumatic events that she never told her family about, but did me, and vice versa.

All this and yet our grief is not seen as quite as bad as if we were family. At her funeral there was about 6 people on the front row I'd never even met or heard her ever mention - cousins I think.

I'm so sorry. Your friend sounds lovely.

Know that, despite the trauma she left behind, in that very moment she did what she wanted to do, and is now at peace, as she would want you to be 💐