After the funeral

[Makeanoise]

It was my partner’s funeral today.

I thought that maybe I’d feel better - it’s been six weeks and I was a bit less…crazy?…with the grief.

But I feel bloody worse. I want the funeral and wake to go on forever because everyone was talking about him and sharing memories and I felt ok to cry loads. Now I’m at home and feel dreadful, as bad as the first day, if not worse.

I don’t even know what I’m asking really.

Yup. It is the worse time. Suddenly time stretches in front of you without your loved one and you feel very alone. You get the feeling that others have drawn a line under the person's life, put it behind them, and you are left in limbo.

It's horrendous as for most other people this is the line that's drawn under the death when they start to get back to normal. But for people who are really close it's the beginning of the period when people expect you to be at least semi fine. Huge hugs.

I’m so sorry and I get it, I understand.

When the final car drove away and I was alone for the first time…
I slumped into a chair, but within a second leapt to my feet and felt compelled to write a list, small modest things that I might like to do, a fight to survive, to make my life better in any tiny way possible, starting with a small day outing, an open garden, exercise class and in time bigger things.

In the meantime just take it hour by hour, don’t put any pressure on yourself, just be. Drink water (my stress response caused water loss just from breathing alone)

May I recommend the online organisation which got me through - Widowed and Young (WAY) or WAYUP for 50 and over - an absolute lifeline to chat online with people in similar situations, those further along in the journey with lots of wise advice, and invaluable knowledge on any and every subject you might need.
x

Thank you for replying and for wise words. I’m sorry that you each have lost somebody. Your kindness is lovely.

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard, you think the funeral will make things easier but it didn't for me. I felt more lost afterwards. I am a month in and it is unbelievable how raw it feels. A lovely friend told me it takes a year and a day for your brain to even accept it. Which has helped me a little, knowing I'm having all the normal feelings.
Take it one step at a time. Sending lots of love

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's absolutely shit.

I'm a couple of months further along than you and I'm still very up and down. Last week was awful, couldn't do anything, this week has been ok. I was back in a workplace yesterday that I haven't been to for ages, and one of my colleagues was asking me lots of questions and it was SO GOOD to talk about him.

Are you at work? Do you have other family at home?

when my partner died (we didn’t live together or share anything so his brothers took over everything) I found it helpful to create a photo and memory book that I then had printed. No one else has seen it but the times and memories we shared are in print and I won’t forget them. As the first year went on I added a few handwritten pages as well as a feather that fell into my hand from nowhere.

sending hugs 🥰🥰🥰🥰

One day at a time OP, some will be better, some not so, in a cheese shop today and she said we have Kentish Blue in, she was serving some one else, I dashed out the door, KB was DH’s favourite. Only went in to get my dad his favourite Stilton for Father’s Day.

they say time is a healer, but what they don’t tell you is how long unfortunately. 💐💐💐

I get it. I felt far worse after my grandma's funeral. I couldn't tell what the vicar was saying during the service either so my thoughts just drifted. My granddad didn't have a funeral and i found it far easier to come to terms with his death.