The one day I always dread

[inmyheart]

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my husbands death- 12 years now. He was young, fit and healthy - he went to work and never came home. His heart just stopped - he died in front of his work colleagues. That day is forever etched on my mind - his boss coming to tell me he was ‘poorly’ in hospital - the drive there - me expecting to see him m having a moan in a hospital bed but to be met by a young nurse who said I’ll just get the doctor. Having to phone my 3 young adult sons an£ hearing their screams over the phone.
i feel I have coped over the last few years , I still miss him every day but we talk of him often - I miss the memories we never had and the fact I have grandchildren now and he never saw them. I have tried to travel for both of us……but it’s getting nearer midnight and I just know that tomorrow it hits me all over again as I relive it all. I have booked the day off work and will find things to do but everytime I look at the time - I just get flashbacks of …..at this time..
this happened.
writing this down has actually helped as most people won’t know the relevance of tomorrow. It’s just I get so overwhelmed and I can’t bear the thought of crying like I did on that day.

I am so sorry 😔 this is heartbreaking 💐💐❤️❤️

9 years for me OP. I understand your pain. I mark the death day every year, my in-laws join me and we have a picnic by his memorial. That helps. They're lovely people and it helps to look forward to spending time with them. I do feel blessed to have spent 25 years with such a wonderful man and to have that love always in my heart. Sad also of course about what he and we have missed.. I hope that tomorrow brings you the happier memories rather than the pain of that day. It sounds like you still have unresolved trauma. Journaling does help, or seeing a good counsellor. I saw a couple of terrible ones before finding one that helped.

I’m so sorry and send you lots of love. ❤️

So sorry for your loss

I’m so sorry OP. I hope today has been as peaceful as it could be.

Sending you lots of love ❤️

Thank you - I am ok - had a little wobble around 2- the time I associate with finding out - but I am fine and will be til this time next year. I don’t feel I have unresolved issues it’s just the one day I allow myself to remember. I know how lucky I was to have him for 33 years and nothing was left unsaid. I see him through my wonderful sons who have all been in touch today xxx
thank you everyone - sadly it’s something we all have to go through - but as they say - grief is the price we pay for love x

I’m so sorry op, I can’t imagine going through something like that and I’m not surprised it haunts you every year.

I really would encourage you to talk about it. It won’t make the day disappear but it’s okay for people to know that your grief has no end and no maximum depth. Anyone who has lost someone will understand that some deaths — well you just don’t really get over them at all, you simply hang on and try not to let them take over your every waking and sleeping minute.

I am sure your dh would have been very proud of the life you have continued to live, and I’m sure everyone will understand why on this particular day each year, the world stops turning for you.

I'm a mere 3 weeks in and it's the family things he won't be there for (weddings, grandchildren) that makes me and my 2 x DD sad. The rest of it we will get through as best we can without him.

I am so sorry, that must have been a terrible shock for you all. Something you never forget however many years have passed. Grief never really heals, it’s always there

Let yourself feel whatever you need to, it’s ok to shout, cry, hurt and take the day off.
it was a deeply traumatic day and that doesn’t change just because time has passed.

I am so sorry. Sudden death is so unbearably traumatic for relatives and you will be reliving the shock each year. I understand. I am glad you have found a lovely day to mark the day.