It's so hard

[Sadmummy3]

Every time I think things will get better they don't. I miss my mum so much and I wish she was here to talk to. She was so supportive. I feel at the end of my rope. I'm so tired. My youngest two children have SEN youngest is high needs. School have been nagging about filling in his EHCP renewal form but every time I try I just keep crying.. I know Mum would have supported me and kept me calm.
It's my birthday tomorrow and 'm forcing myself to do our usual birthday tradition but all I want to is lie under my duvet and cry.
Mum died in February so it's my first birthday without her and it's so hard.
I'm not sure I'll ever be properly happy again. Don't have any friends as I had to give up work and social life to care for DS. Obviously I have my kids and DH but I feel lost and depressed.

I feel your pain OP.
I’m pregnant and found my Mum (57) dead at home in March. I just feel numb, empty, I’m pretending a lot. Everyone keeps asking “how are you getting on” and I smile and say “yeah fine thanks, are you?” but I feel fucking shit and I want to scream at everyone to leave me alone.
I’ve had a baby shower organised for me because “I just have to celebrate” but I don’t want to go because my Mum won’t be there.
Baby will be here in a few weeks and I just can’t be excited. I’ve got nothing ready for baby.

I feel for you both so much. I've just lost my mum a few weeks ago, I've just posted on a bereavement support thread here too as needed just to let out how I'm feeling, nobody else understands and the one person who would have, is my mum. Sending you both the biggest hugs of support, the loss is just incomprehensible.

@Sadmummy3 I feel exactly the same...DH and kids here too but feel totally lost inside.

@PopThatBench my heart physically aches for you facing this with your little one on the way. Be so kind to yourself xx

Happy Birthday @Sadmummy3 💛

Thank you 💛 and I’m so sorry for your loss too!
Thats how I feel, the only person who would understand is my Mum.
I’ve lost the only person in my life who loved me unconditionally.
Partners, children, friends, other family, the love mostly comes with conditions, Mums love us no matter what.
I’m also heartbroken for my little girl, she’s 7 and her Nannie was her best friend. And my other little girl isn’t born yet and will never know the love of my Mum. It’s just so heartbreaking x

That is so bloody insensitive. Of course you don’t ‘have to celebrate’. You must have felt terrible. I am so so sorry, and for OP too.

@PopThatBench that's exactly it, it's a different love from your mum and as a mum.

I know my DH and children love me but nobody loves you like your mum. My DH has a different relationship with his and says I'm lucky that I was so close to mine but that's so bittersweet...it's therefore so much harder to lose.

Your little girl is still so young, how to explain to a child what we can't understand ourselves. But I think children also face things head on in a way adults sometimes can't. I'm sure she's a huge comfort to you just by being yours, and therefore your mum's too x

@Sadmummy3 sending you birthday wishes for today. I hope you were able to keep up your birthday tradition if that's what you wanted, but do be kind to yourself too if you weren't able and know that others are here who are thinking of you and sending support for this difficult day x

sweetheart, sending you my best wishes

@Sadmummy3 @PopThatBench @LetMeJustCheckMyCitrusPocket
I'm so sorry you're all going through this. I lost my mum 3 months ago and I know exactly what you mean - my mum was the one I would have talked to about how I feel and things that have happened and she would have been the one that picked up on my not actually being 'fine'.
I'm so sorry it feels as though you've all lost your mums when you're still very young with little ones yourselves. I feel like I still need my mum and I'm older and my children have grown-up so it's horrible for you to be without yours when you still need her so much.
Try and look after yourself and so what feels right, don't worry about what other people think. Sending love xx

I'm so sorry for all of you who have lost your mum's. I'm an. older mum and I know she wouldn't live forever but it rips my heart out.
I don't think any other loss is quite the same as loosing your mum.
DH lost his dad a few years ago and says he gets it but I think loosing your mum is harder ( I haven't said that to DH). I might be wrong but every day I wake up and remember. God I miss her so much.

@Sadmummy3 my children are teenagers so I'm a bit older too and my mum wasn't young. Don't think there's ever an age where it's easier to cope with. I feel the same about losing my mum. It still hasn't sunk in.

I agree it doesn’t matter what age. My mum actually wasn’t very elderly she didn’t reach her 80th but I have older children and I’m in my 50’s so I feel that I should be glad I had my for this long & she has been poorly for a while but I would never have been ready to let her go.
like you all I don’t think my mind has really accepted she’s gone, I feel like it’s not really real.

My Mum would be the first to say it doesn’t matter what age. I found my Mum to the day on the 11th month of her losing her Mum (my Nan). She was dreading the 1 year anniversary, she didn’t have to see it. She was dreading her first Mother’s Day without her Mum, instead it was me spending the first one without mine.
She’d be the only one who would see straight through my “I’m fine”. It still doesn’t feel real that she’s gone and I’m so scared that it’ll sink in when baby’s born.
I’m so sorry for us all who have lost our lovely Mums. May they all be somewhere together, feeling the love we still have for them x

I have so much sympathy for you all. I lost my Mum 30 years ago when I was 32 with 2 small children. I still miss her now. I remember crying in a supermarket wondering how everyone could be doing their shopping as normal when my Mum was dead. It does get easier, but it is so hard at the beginning.

@dmango you're articulating exactly how I'm feeling. Never being ready to let them go.

@rhubarblover I can't begin to imagine how hard that must have been for you then, and @PopThatBench for you now. I hope you both had and have strong and supportive people around you to help shoulder some of your burdens and share your pain.

And the constant disbelief that the rest of the world just keeps on...carrying on? But my mum has died, how can that be possible?

So indescribably hard for everyone facing this.

I'm glad that my DDs got to know her (as they are teenagers) and my eldest was incredibly to her but my youngest is only 4 and I feel a bit sad he won't really remember her.