My partner passed away 3 weeks ago...4 year old DD struggling.

[MsEm]

Hey all,

My partner passed away 3 weeks ago- 11th may 2025- from a untreated head injury caused a haemorrhage. He was 42...his 43rd birthday was 4 days after his death.

My 4 year old DD is finding this very difficult, of course. He was to be her step-dad (I was due to marry him in July 2025.)
My daughter's biological father passed away when she was 5 months old, in February 2021. He died from Covid.

So, we're both absolutely destroyed from this. In my mind, I keep going as it's best for my DD. She is neurodivergent and has sensory processing disorder, and struggles at the best of times. But her school have been amazing. They've been incredible in helping her deal with her issues, as well as the recent trauma.

It's hard to keep it together- but I can't break down, because I want to protect my daughter. I just wondered of anyone has advice In dealing with grief?

Time. Time. Time.

I am so sorry for your loss. No one should go through this.

Oh my gosh, that's horrific, I'm so, so sorry.
Off the top of my head - the book The Invisible String is lovely..
A memory box
EFT works well for children, there's videos on YouTube.
I'm sure there'll be other people with better suggestions but wanted to give some support.
I'm very sorry for your losses xx

Winston’s Wish or Daisy’s Dream may be able to help your DD, but I hope you’re getting support too. To lose two life partners in such quick succession is a horrendous trauma - I hope you have people IRL who are there for you.

So sorry to hear of both your losses. (My DH died in Feb 2024, so I've been through a little of what you're enduring).

Take your time and spend as much time with your DD as you she want. My younger teen DD used to come into bed with me in the evenings and we'd have a little cry together.

If you have family and friends around maybe one of them could look after your DD so you could have some time to yourself. As you'll know the (s)admin is time consuming, draining and very sad.

Take care of yourself xx

I am so very sorry for your loss.
Bereavement counselling may help.
Im sorry I can’t give more concrete advice ( I’m sure other posters will be able to) but I wanted to offer a virtual hug .
I hope there are lots and lots of people in your life who will give you real hugs and give you the support you need.

Funny enough, my daughter's name x

Do you have friends ir family who can provide respite?

what are school doing to help?

My DH passed away suddenly when my children were 4 and 6. It was incredibly hard. But as PP have said it’s time. Keeping the routine going is key, if you can stay in your home that may help too. I had to sell as I could not afford the mortgage and that was in retrospect a bad move (though unavoidable). In fact one of my children doesn’t remember the next house at all, though does remember the neighbourhood.
I did not find, nor did my children, joining a group of bereaved families any help at all, but you may.

I'm sorry for your loss @tarheelbaby.
I don't have any family, and neither did my partner. He was ukrainian...much of his family have actually been killed in the current war. The rest are still out there, fighting for their country.
Really, it's just me and DD. So, it's tough but is what it is. It's a case of being very British, and having a stiff upper lip! Some comments IRL have been AWFUL....so, I keep my head down x

OP, I’m so sorry.

Kids are amazingly resilient. I’m not a professional so I won’t give advice/suggestions on how to help her grieve/come to terms with what’s happened.

But Op, to loose two life partners/two fathers to your child is just awful. You deserved your happily ever after this summer.

Just getting up each morning is a successful day. Well done for getting your daughter to school each day. I know being a mum you don’t have the choice but to function everyday but please be kind to yourself. If you end up serving up chicken nuggets every dinner time and watching back-to-back movies on Disney Plus, that’s ok.

Can you plan something nice for this summer? A country you’ve always wanted to go to? Road trip across America? Quality time with your daughter/getting away from reality.

Oh wow...I'm sorry for your loss. Im not going to a bereavement group...I'm grumpy at the best of times, and I don't think it would be a good idea to go. Am more likely to talk to the walls, or my cat x

OP , I am so saddened to hear this 😔..
I am so so sorry , how heartbreaking for you to lose two partners in such a short space of time & you were about to be married …
I have no advice OP , I’m sorry ..only to say i hope you will be ok & I will say a prayer for you & your daughter x x x

No advice, OP.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your daughter twice.

I've literally had Bluey on for 3 hours!! Yesterday, watched inside out 1 and 2 back to back...it's not healthy, but was pretty fun. My DD is 5 in July- so am saving all funds to spend on her birthday. We're in a really tough position financially (who isn't 😒) but I take my daughter to parks and a local [free] farm...and will do lidos when the weather is hot enough. Holidays aren't an option unfortunately.
People have been quite cruel IRL...I've been called a kiss of death, and one kid tried telling my DD that her dads wanted to get away from her. She went berserk and tried to hit that kid...so, she's afraid of what people will say to us next. So she won't always go outside. The school have been very supportive- the SEND team help her anyway, but they have been hot on watching her, and talking- even doing art therapy with her. Half term has been hard, because she misses that support. But, on Monday she'll be delighted to be back at school x

@MsEm I can't believe those cruel comments. What is wrong with people?

How awful that people would say such horrendous things. Of course it's not your fault, I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

There is good support out there for kids, do try to access it if your poor daughter is finding things tough.

I'm so very sorry, this is such a lot for you and for your daughter. I am glad that the school is being supportive, please do take good care of yourself. I wish I had more advice to offer, but I am sending lots of strength to you, it sounds as if you are doing amazingly well, but do make sure you ask for support for yourself if and when you feel you need it.

I am so sorry for your losses and that people have been so unkind to you and your DD. My DC were a bit older when DH died and the school has been wonderful at supporting them. Winston’s Wish and Child Bereavement UK are very helpful charities, they have websites with lots of information, helplines and will reply to emails when you find yourself wondering how on earth to navigate the situation. Winston’s Wish sent me out a free book on supporting grieving children with activities to do. Depending on where in the country you are, there might be local charities that can offer play therapy face to face.
I know you said you don’t want to go to a support group, but I hugely recommend the charity WAY Widowed and Young for support from other people. There are local meet ups but you don’t have to go to any, there’s also incredibly supportive facebook groups and a forum on their website. I describe myself as antisocial and insist I don’t even like people but the support from people who know what you’re going through is invaluable. It does cost a small amount of money to join but I think there is financial support if you can’t afford to join.