Any advice to support SIL

[mamaduckbone]

We lost my BIL very suddenly of a heart attack 2 weeks ago. He was away on holiday with friends so his body is only just back in the country.

Obviously we are all devastated - he was only 54 and the absolute life and soul of the party, an amazing guy who made my SIL very happy for 12 years after escaping her horrendous marriage.

Anyway, up until now we haven't seen SIL face to face - lots of phone calls and messages, but she had her grown-up children with her for support as well as his family and her mum and dad (not that they are much use but that's a different story) We live 3 hours drive away and ds15 is in the middle of GCSEs so the decision was made that we'd be better off carrying on as normal for his sake and because SIL would be more in need of us later.

We're going up today for a couple of days. There will many be tears and hugs I know, but I also want to be of practical help. We're already taking food up for everyone and our own towels etc so we don't make any work. If it were you, what else would you do to help? Or if in that situation yourself, what would you have wanted people to do? Obviously we'll ask her, but I was thinking get a supermarket shop in for her and see if there are any phone calls we can make. She's already asked for dark humour from Dh (her dbro) to get her through...they are close, and have a shared, piss-taking sense of humour.

Sorry about your family loss, I think you just being there will be of support getting easy dinners in will be helpful and just ask her if she needs/wants you to do anything, have you any funny photos of him you could take and have a evening of wine his favourite music and stories don't forget the tissues

Supermarket shop
look around the house to see if anything needs doing, lightbulbs changing, lawn mowed etc, practical stuff

Thanks - mowing the lawn / garden jobs is a good call

I'm sorry for your family loss, your SIL must be reeling.

Things that people have done for me recently that felt supportive and/or useful - filled my freezer with meals and gave me vouchers for frozen ready meals, sent snack food and little gifts and a Photobox gift voucher, encouraged me to talk about him, asked to see photos, checked in regularly, did various odd jobs (including mowing the lawn 😀).

My dad died earlier this year. I made some meals to put in the freezer for my mum.

Echo a food shop & jobs that need doing whilst arrangements are being made. So if there is ironing get that done so that when everyone leaves SIL is not left with a list of stuff she has to do. It will make the loss of her husband be felt even more. Where once upon a time they did the day to day stuff of life together now your SIL will have to do that all by herself and that will be huge for her. Condolences to you all.

Humour is good for life. Understanding with humour softens painful moments.